Big Girl Problems....

Peace.

I'm super stressed y'all. I have no idea what to do about it. I wanna just bury my head in the sand, but I know I can't.... My mother is sick. Like really sick... or is she?

My mother is 77. A woman that age, with her lifestyle... and by lifestyle, I mean my mother would get diagnosed with some illness like diabetes and continue to eat what she wanted because she had a pill that would keep her from dying. Same with her high blood pressure, her congestive heart disease, her vertigo, her knee replacement, her sleep apnea, her everything. And she would scoff at doctors who would tell her to change her habits. So my mom is now really kind of debilitated.

Here is the thing.... I have asked her to move to Georgia and live with me. She has refused. My mother and I don't get along... We never have. Asking her to live with me was as crushing to me as it would be if she actually did move in with me. She doesn't have dementia... she gets tested yearly... so she gets to make her own decisions about how she wants to live her life. I have made suggestions that she should move into an independent care facility. That's not a nursing home. It's a spot where other old people live. It would give me some peace because folks would be paying attention to whether or not she's still alive. She can bring her own car and do just as much or as little as she wants. She owns 2 homes and instead of selling them, she can get a property management company to manage them and use the rental money to pay for her housing arrangements. Plus she was a teacher. She makes more retired than I make working. But... She refuses to listen to me. She'll listen to anyone else but me..

This is what she wants... She wants me to move.. just me and not the God... to SC and live with her waiting on her hand and foot. I owe it to her for raising me, I suppose. I don't want to do that. I'm NOT doing that. I have lived in GA for 16 years. I have a job that I've held for 12 years. I have a home here. The 7 has a job that he loves here that he plans to retire from. I've never lived in SC, other than to attend college. That experience was enough to assure that I was not ever going to live permanently in SC. Between her and me, she's the most mobile. She's not working. She can live in a senior home here in Atlanta. Why am I expected to uproot my life?

But is she as sick as she says? When I talk to her she ALWAYS sound like she's about to die. But if I call her from a different phone she sounds normal and coherent. Once she realizes it's me she goes into sounding sick.

Talking to my mother has never been easy. We are completely different. My mother is a master manipulator. I've seen it. So I will never trust anything that she says, She faked a diabetic episode in front of a bunch of people to make me look bad. It was at a family reunion that she was mad at me because it wouldn't go pick her up. Like I said... we don't really like each other. She wanted me to drive 4 hours to her house to pick her up, then drive another 4 hours to the reunion. I know my mother, she would have me running her errands all while complaining that I was a horrible disappointment to her. It was only a 2 hour drive from my house to the reunion hotel. So to prove to me that I was indeed a horrible daughter she faked a diabetic episode while at lunch. Here is the thing... diabetics don't have those episodes while eating. They have them when their blood sugar is low. She had everyone but me going, including the wait staff. I asked for a doggie bag and she instantly snapped out of her seizure to tell me to leave the food right where it was. My mother HATES doggie bags. That's when she was busted. And all the people at the table saw it.

Another annoying thing about our relationship is she lies. I hate to say that about my mother, but it's true. I HATE to take any gift that she offers because she will misconstrue to the people in her Cipher as support. And for some reason, these people will call me and voice their displeasure. Her boyfriend called me one day all pissed because of something and he said, “you have your mother paying your bills.” This was news to me. I asked “What bills?” My birthday is November so there was a check for that and she sent me another check for Christmas. It's crazy. My mother disliked my brother's wife so much, and got one her friends all riled up and the woman went into my sil's job and started a physical fight with her. SMH.... And these people being my mother's friends are like aunties. You feel like you gotta respect them even though they are way out of their lane.

My brother... the love of her life (her words, not mine).... died in May. She's not taking it well. And that's expected. All of her plans were as such... Everything she owns goes to him. Yup. All of it. He's older. She said he “would do right by me.” I have always known this. I told you we don't get along. She has been telling me, since he turned 18 that he would see to my care. I was 8 at the time and my father was very much alive and involved in my life. But she set my brother up to be my legal guardian if something happened to her? Hell! She wasn't my legal guardian! Anywho... she claimed that she needed to change her will so that I could inherit her stuff. She still doesn't like my sil. OK. Why I gotta be there for that? I cannot run up and down I20 every time my mother says boo.

So my mother is sitting in her home holding court... the center of all folks attention. And she is dogging me out, because that will bring her more attention. She telling folks I refuse to visit. I've been there 3 times since my brother died. My cousin want to use her home as a pit stop for all her indigent friends. Cousin thinks that the best option. But it isn't her decision to make. She acts like she doesn't know that. But who knows what my mother has said to her? All the rest of the SC family thinks I'm a horrible person for not giving up my life for hers. I get daily phone abuse. I can't ignore the phone calls because it might actually be one of her doctors or an emergency.

I'm doing all I know how to do. I feel like it's not enough. But I'm not going to drive myself crazy over something that has no resolution. But it's still keeping me up at night.

Thanks for reading.

****Sigh****


Peace