Pretty Is as Pretty Does

Peace....

I was listening to the radio this morning. And it gave me confirmation of something I kinda always suspected....

Rickey Smiley was on the radio talking about a man who was marrying a billionaire female for her money. Apparently, she wasn't all that pretty. The men on the show were calling her downright ugly. They also said they would never be able to get it up to do her on the regular. So even though she was rich, they wouldn't hit that long term because she was ugly.... WOOOOOW...

On the Real Housewife franchises... not the Atlanta, but all the others.... I have often wondered how these women got the come up. Many of them don't have an education passed the 12th grade. And if they do, it's like their hairdressers or sell real estate. Not knocking those trades but it's not like thy are balling. They weren't born rich; which means they married rich. Example... the “Countess.” Why would a rich man want these particular women above, IMO, other woman? Because they are pretty.

It seems so archaic on paper, but pretty goes far in this world if you're a woman. I am a self proclaimed pretty girl (cute face, impressive B:W:H ratio)... but I'm also damned smart. If I wasn't smart and only pretty then I wouldn't have noticed this trend. I have a plethora of degrees and work as hard as my man. But no one ever asks me what I do. All they expect me to be, is pretty. Work questions are strictly for men. Men are defined by their jobs and income. (Also their height and dick game, but that's for another time) If a man doesn't have a good job... and by that I mean a job that meets all his expenses with a little or a lot left over. I'm not saying it's the type of job, but what he makes.... then he isn't a man really. Women, however, are not defined like this. She can have a job pulling down 7 figures, but if she's ugly, or doesn't have a man and children... she is a failure as a woman. But a pretty woman who doesn't have 2 pennies to rub together is always seen as potential.

Men act like women have it COMPLETELY easy. Well if she never leaves home I would agree. But if a woman goes out into the world then she is met with the same needs that men are met with. Providing food, clothing and shelter for themselves. But UNLIKE men, women make $0.75 to every one of their $1.

I have been told that as a woman, my life is easier. I can't answer that. I've never not been a woman. But men haven't been women either so how the fuck can they speak on it. When I have bills... if I don't have the money, the bill gets shut off. Just like a man's bills. (Remember women get paid less money than a man for the same work) Just because I'm in possession of a vagina doesn't mean my debts are forgiven. Men would argue to use my vagina to get said bills paid. How exactly does one do that? Shall I take a picture of my vagina and send it to bill collector in lieu of payment? And the bill collector says, “That's a mighty fine pussy. She don't have to pay her carnote this month.”? Are men suggesting I should prostitute myself for the bill money? That's too much like work in addition to being degrading and illegal.

Let's move on.....

Pretty women have it easier only because men want to fuck pretty women. Once he's fucked her the novelty wears off and he's off to the next pretty girl. So it's a lose/lose situation for the female regardless. So the goal MUST be if a pretty woman wants to prosper is to lead a man on for as long as possible without screwing him. But that would make the woman a golddigger. Why is it we have no names for men with issues? So we women have to play the tightrope balancing game with men. To not be so independent, yet be able to handle all the business at hand. Many of us fall.

My mother tried to tell me this, but she really couldn't. How does a good mother tell her daughter to just be pretty? Think about it. Mommie wanted me to be a strong independent woman capable of taking care of myself. Never dependent on a man for anything. She tried to convince me that I'm not pretty because honest work is easier. I get why she did that. But by instilling that in me, it is also instilling me a life of loneliness. Because hardworking + independent + Black woman = manlessness.

So what is my point of this build? I'm not advocating that women need to dumb themselves down to get a man. That's wholly unnecessary. But if she is smart, she needs to use that. Stay in the pretty lane, ladies. Keep your self up. Hair.. nails.. wardrobe.... makeup..... all the pretty girl accouterments. Keep that shit going hard. Because men are visual people and it's what attracts them. Once you have them... you gotta work even harder to keep your pretty game tight. It's harder now, because with men around, they will see you in all your non-pretty glory. That. Can't. Happen.

Trade that bonnet for satin pillow cases. Make him have his own bathroom that you don't use (so he won't use yours). Don't let him see the work that goes into pretty. And be high maintenance. The walkin closet is yours ladies. No other way about it. He doesn't need to see all that. Go in there pretty from sleep and emerge pretty from primping. That's all he needs to know.

You gotta develop other things that pretty to hold on to him. Pretty is like a net. It traps him, but it doesn't keep him. The other attributes locks a man in his gilded cage. Keep a tidy house and learn how to cook and really develop meals. Don't go to the store and get a rotisserie chicken and the them to KFC for the rest of the meal. A man could do that. You gotta go in that kitchen and cook food so good, he'll abandon his mama on the highway to get home to you. Then sit with him while he watches his favorite shows. And if its sports.... find something quiet to do at his side. I read.... Pretty is a big deal, but the other stuff are quietly more important. Remember, you cannot fuck a man into submission. Not long term. Their equipment at is not the same as it is at 20. IJS. You are going to need those other things. And women are not as pretty as a woman at 20. Pretty has a shelf life.

This is real talk........

You want that man? Don't fuck it up.


Peace

Boon Coons and other things....

Peace.

I love what few friends I have. It's funny, I live in GA, but I don't have friends here. I have a few girls I can call and we may get together. But I'm talking about down-assed-ride-or-die friends that I don't have to explain myself to. I have those type of friends... They just aren't local. And I'm not a fair weather friend who only wants to know you when you are on top. I will be offended if they go through something and don't tell me. True friendship always goes back and forth.

It seems this is the season for my homies to be going through relationship issues. And it struck me how well I knew them. 2 of my friends' men were both doing the same thing and I instinctively knew how each would respond. And I was right. When another homie told me she left her man, she didn't have to tell me why. I knew. Another girlie was having relationship reservations and I knew what to say to make her feel better. She isn't comfortable in her own skin unless there is a man in the picture. So once I established that there wasn't another option, I could Build with her. All of this got me to thinking....

I must have a personality profile. All my friends have them. So must I. Do they deal with me based on that information? I rarely have relationship problems. I'm a cut-and-runner. If I realize that I'm in a relationship with a man, a female friend, an organization, etc. that doesn't serve me... I bounce. I give no notice. I just go. I don't put up with foolishness if I don't have to. I will break up with a man via text message. I've quit jobs like that too. I ain't one for fooling around. And I promise you I'm the 1st person gone when I smell a fight. I've seen enough fights. If it ain't me fighting, I'm gone. I've noticed that when I'm angry my friends will start explaining themselves. And I don't see them doing that with other people.

But it just put friendship into perspective for me. Everyone ain't capable of true friendship. I am a jokester too. You can come to me with your problems and I will clown you to death. But I'll also be right there with you in the process (still clowning) helping you out. One of my above listed friends was helping me move while cops were chasing us. She cursed at me like I was a rat stealing her last oiece of food, but she was also taking evasive maneuvers that had me gripping the “oh shit” bar. If we are true friends, it's not you or me it's we. Everyone in both ciphers knows that too. You ain't fighting without me at your back. You ain't road tripping without me in the passenger seat complaining about your taste in music. And if you borrow money from me... you better pay it back. I hate loaning money and my friends know this (I hate borrowing it too so it stays balanced). I assume if you ask... you need it. Also don't ask for what I can't give you. That's insulting. I once had a so-called friend who asked me for $500. I ain't got that to lend. She said she didn't need it... just wanted to see if I would lend it to her. We aren't friends anymore. I can't trust her. I don't need other folks counting my money for sport. And dropping her was easy. Just never called her again and stopped taking her calls.

I know my friends and accept their faults. I have whores for friends. What? They just can't be alone with my man. They give great sex advice and know all about STDs. I have thieves for friends. We don't hang at MY house. Or in my car. And when I go out with them... I only carry my keys. We still good. I have religious friends... though I'm not. I have educated friends that I really need to hang with more because them and my moneyed friends keep me on my game. Broke busted friends can make you too comfortable. One needs to travel in multiple ciphers to stay balanced. I even have men friends. Men friends are special. You can't be touchy-feely on them like you can your girls. And if you get drunk they WILL fuck you unless they're gay. And if they're gay, they may steal your purse. Male friends are good for telling you what men think. Flagrant gay male friends are good because they will up your style game. Gay female friends are good if you want to go out and not be hit on by men. And butch women can fight their asses off. So can flagrant gay men... go figure. I know my people. And they know me.

This build was cathartic. I was in my feelings about not having ride or die friends close by. But I realize I have just what I need. Whenever I have called on my homies they have been there for me and vice versa. They will pay their own money for airfare to make sure I'm ok. And I appreciate that. Yeah... I'm good.


Peace

Teach Me

Peace....


I'm teachable. The reason I say that is because there have been times in my life where I recognized that (a) I didn't know something and (b) took steps to rectify the issue. Examples....

When I was a little girl, I wanted to be a little boy. I can't say I identified as a boy because I liked a lot of the girl stuff. It's just that being a girl is an inconvenience compared to being a boy. IJS... Also I had a brother who I wanted to be just like. At some point, I realized that I liked being a girl and boys weren't so bad. But I realized around age 10 hadn't learned little intricacies of little girldom. I couldn't jump double dutch.

Double dutch is a big deal to little girls when and where I grew up. It defined you as a female. The better you jumped, the more worthier you were. I couldn't jump well. That didn't stop me from playing. But, if you know anything about DD, it meant I always had the end. After always having the end, I realized that I wasn't going to get better at jumping. I'd just be really good at turning.

That summer I scouted out some other chronic end-havers and the YMCA summer camp I was attending and brokered a deal with them. Seriously, it was all business like that. It was the 3 of us who couldn't jump. We sequestered ourselves in an unused area of the camp and took turns jumping until we got good. We gave each other tips about what we observed. And by the end of camp, all 3 of us were good enough to jump with the best of the girls and we got respect. LOL @ respect from 10 year olds...

I never learned to play jacks either. I found out that my mother discouraged jacks because she never wanted to inadvertently step on one with her bare feet. I never gave it thought like that. Until I was in an after school program (yeah... my mother was always busy) and jacks was the thing. Since by then I was nice in DD and NO ONE could out jump me.... I had a certain level of female respect. But I couldn't play jacks. And jacks was a big deal there. The reigning jack champ challenged me and my stupid ass thought it was all in fun. She was kind of a mean girl, but I have always been big for my age (though not tall) and I sport a mug still to this day. She beat the brakes off me. She was a jacks savant. Well you know what happened.... I got hold of some money and bought 3 sets of jacks. Them things are little and I expected to lose a few. And every waking hour that I didn't have something going on I played. While at the CYO, I only jumped rope, but I watched... When the annual jacks tournament came, I entered. I worked my way up from the bottom to challenge the jacks queen. She and I were in the final round. She won... but she worked for that win. When it was over, she complimented me on my game and asked me if I had been playing with her before.

My mother doesn't listen to music. So I didn't listen to music. But teenagers listen to music. It's not a peer pressure thing because once I started, I found I liked music. But I had no knowledge of music before 1982. That's not so bad as a teen, because most contempories are concerned about what's current. I covered my ignorance by always knowing every lyric of every song on the radio. My mother didn't do albums (yes I'm old) either. She would get mad if we bought them even with our own money. She might break them... Yeah, I still don't know... but she didn't know anything about cassettes. So I'd load up on cassettes... or buy them off of friends to dub songs so that I could learn them. I know... As I got older and older people have more refined tastes, my lack of “old school” became more apparent. So... I taught myself old school. I would find old albums and ask older people what was the hotness and learn all the songs so that I could literally... fake the funk. It's worked. But I know I don't know as much as others. But now when I hear a name... I have spotify and the internet to educate me. I must be the only 40 something Black person who had never heard of the Barkays...

My mother is serious about her cards. She is old school so she taught me to play 500, and whist... but not spades. I am NOT proficient in bid whist. I can be your partner until your other partner gets back from the beer run. I'm good with that right now. I might learn later but right now... I'm good. I'm not extroverted enough to go looking for whist players. And whist players have their own underground secret squirrel network. But my spades game was lacking. When I went to college, I thought I was playing a friendly game with some classmates. If you know spades on an HBCU campus... there is no such thing. One of my tightest female friend and her friends could beat anybody on the yard... and had that distinction for the 4 years they were in attendance.... including teachers! My friend was a math genius. She could count cards. I don't know why she hasn't made a life for herself as a poker shark.... Their skill was legendary. But before they got famous... I asked her to tell me what was wrong with my game. I wasn't about to get my feelings hurt unnecessarily. I was either going to be good, or I wasn't going to play. So me and my boyfriend sat down and played a game with these 2. The bf was a solid player. Not a shit talking trophy winner, but decent. The 3 of them completely and painfully critiqued my game. Explained nuances that I hadn't noticed. I knew to NOT renege, but I hadn't understand how to read the cards and watch other people while still playing along with my partner. They got me straight. And with nightly practice, by my sophomore year I was good enough to play in the student center. By senior year I could shit-talk with the best of them. I have even won a trophy!

I'm teachable. I am able and honest enough to see when I lack and then decide if there is something I want to do about it. There is lots of things in my life that I know need changing... but I'm not necessarily ready or willing to change. Then there are other things that I have forced myself to learn. The internet is one of those things. I was in my 30's when it came to prominence. Long removed from formal education. I had to figure out blogs, and social media and so forth. The older you get it's hard to learn things, because you have so much to unlearn in the process. I am a 1st class seamstress. I am also self taught. I even 1'ed 120 in my 30's because I can learn new stuff. There is a lot I can do that no one personally taught me... because I'm teachable.

Are you?


Peace