Hood Treatment

Peace.


I live in a civilized hood. I live in “Bankhead” a notorious neighborhood in Atlanta. B.U.T.... I live in Collier Heights. A nice, upwardly mobile section of that bad neighborhood. My home is sandwiched in between a strip club and a church. My neighbors are SUPER concerned about their yards and homes. It's really nice where I live. I pay for my accommodations. No one is subsidizing my lifestyle. I'm not just going to live anywhere. And I always make the CONSCIOUS choice to live amongst Black people.

But..... I have come to notice that in the wilderness of North America, when Black people congregate, it serves as a focal point for harassment.

For the last 5 years this country has been embroiled in riot after riot. Protest after protest. Police brutality. Have you been paying attention to the location of the starts of these disturbances? Black neighborhoods. When I drive to work, I have a few options: neighborhood or highway. When drive through the neighborhood, I have 2 options. One option has angry police officers with traps set up for the entire 5 miles. Think about the stress that a person goes through traveling through an active war zone? It's not cool. The other option is a bit longer, is mostly a single lane road with far too many buses, but the road is intensely raggedy. One of those potholes actually cause a paradigm shift in me. That's stressful on me and stressful on my vehicle. I could ride the highway, but that is the longest and most stressful of all. I live 7 miles from the job, they highway would ad and addition 10.

But my commute isn't the only thing. There is no true restaurant close to my home... unless I wanted to eat at the strip club or a truck stop. There is no grocery store in my neighborhood. There aren't any true amenities in my neighborhood. And if I try to access any are present I get harassed by the police. I went to the park for a picnic. Laid the blanket down, had the food and had a book. The police rolled in, watched me for about 10 minutes then asked me what I was doing. I had difficulty answering because I thought it was obvious. After an uncomfortable conversation, they went back to their cars and tried to intimidate me to leave... but that didn't happen.

I have been running in my own neighborhood and accused of soliciting. I gotta be a hoe because I want to work out? But then I guess Black women aren't supposed to exercise. If our alarm goes off by accident, even if we give the company the code, they still call the police... which charges us. When the weather is bad, my hood loses electricity. I thought this happened in all of the city. Not so. My boss... who is white and lives amongst his people... has never lost electricity due to weather....EVER.

One of the more unfortunate habits the the people of this hood have come to accept is hearding. The walmart in the hood... yes they want them Black greenbacks like everyone else.... a police VAN sits outside and the security guards are Atlanta police with real guns. When I saw that, I decided to NOT shop there. I ain't never been policed in a walmart and I'm not about to start. The CVS chick got mad because I walked in the store via the exit door rather than the entrance door. I have issues with that. (a) I needed to use an ATM near said door and (b) the exit door opened for me. That bitched demanded I leave and re-enter. The library has only a few books. No stacks at all just rotating polls. If you are looking for a book, you must look through everything because it has no sections. You see the institutional bullshit these people have gotten so used to that they don't even realize that they are being insulted???

So Serenity... Just move. Oh, I will. COA life ain't for me. But I will live in another Black community. I've lived in 3 different states. I have come to learn that white folks don't want to live near POC's. They want us to cut their grass, raise their children, do the things to make their lives fluffier. But they don't want to come home from a long day of work and see us coming HOME from work either. If they can't move when we move in, they make our lives hell. I pay for my things like they do. I'm not willing to get burned out by folks that don't want me there. They think we are subhuman and don't have the same boundaries they have with their own people. Again my Black skin doesn't come with free utilities.

I see it as a missed opportunity really. You hear folks complaining about 'food deserts' but what you don't hear is folks saying what they are doing about it. Everyone that notices that there is a lack has an opportunity to change it. You don't have to open a store right away. Start with a truck or a wagon. Crawl before you walk. Hell, you could develop a system where you take orders from the community and then deliver it. Charge them more than you paid for it to cover expenses and make a profit. Boom! Hell the summer is coming. Network with some children to help you out and call it a summer camp. Clueless parents would be willing to pay you for allowing their children to help you. Mo' money, mo' money mo' money! If you notice a hole it's your responsibility to fill the gap.

I'm just making Knowledge Born that the Black side of town is grimier than the white side. And it's not because we don't pay taxes. It's because the powers that be don't give 2 fucks about us. And everything ain't for us to fix. Yes, it is our responsibility to cut our own grass, keep our homes up, and not litter or vandalize our neighborhoods. But picking up the trash when scheduled and making sure pot holes don't swallow up my SUV that is the city's job. Having students wait so close to the street because the sidewalks are too narrow while they wait for the bus is not the fault of the neighborhood. It's the city's fault. And they CHOOSE to prey on the community via the police but not supply resources. Not everyone is aware of the plot. Some folks succumb to savagery after being treated like a animal for so long. Well I know what's going on.

I have lived in Black communities where everyone did their jobs with regard to the external of their homes. I've lived in communities so pristine, that visitors thought it was a mixed. I mean it would have to be mixed if I lived there. I ALWAYS correct folks. Especially Black folks who think an all Black neighborhood must be the pits. But guess what? I don't live in fear trapped in my own house.

My mother lives in a “mixed” community. And she sleeps with a shotgun next to her bed because she fears her white neighbors. If they say “good morning” she searches for ulterior meanings. She has an excuse to mistrust white folks. She was raised in the segregated south. She, however, doesn't have a reason for why she bought in hat neighborhood. And she knows that she will NEVER receive a moment's comfort from her “Black Power” daughter.

Serenity are you filling your gap? Nope. I'm breaking camp. And in the community I chose to set roots down in, I will work towards that there. I knew this rest stop was going to be temporary when I stopped the truck here. Our communities don't have to be run down and devoid of useful business. Stop drinking all the damn Kooli-Aid the devil serves up for you.


Peace

Guard Your Heart

Peace.

When I was an active and practicing Christian.... I kept hearing the phrase, “guard your heart.” I get why they said that now. Guarding your heart is the only way to keep oneself a proper xian.

Guarding your heart means, don't do things that might expose you to some anti, or alternative information. If you get exposed to that which is not “of god” then you will burn in hell because it causes you to question your faith. Questioning your faith leads to lack of devotion (and protection payments) which ultimately causes you to stray. Stray = hell. If that information is in books... don't read the books. If it is in movies.... don't watch those movies. If that information is in music.... don't listen to that music. If that information comes via other people.... Stay away from those people. It is a method of preserving folks by keeping them in a bubble of holiness.

Well... I don't guard my heart. I suppose that is why I stopped being a xian. I got influenced by many different ideologies to the point where I was forced me make my own conscious choices about what was important to me and guess what? Xianity is/was not important to me.

I love reading and learning new things so much that it was inevitable that I would leave the xian fold. I've read books on everything... including Luciferianism. I just do not believe that a book is going to damn me to hell. Actually, I don't believe hell exists. Once you take that off the plate, a lot of foolishness falls off with it. I have studied with Wiccans and attended their rituals. I have attended Muslim services. I have aligned my chakras and prayed with Hindus. I've had accupuncture. And now I am a comfortable 120 holding, 5%er. I'm super good.

There are universal truths. You can't interact with the grimy and stay clean. What every you make, you own and it always comes back to you. Everything dies. In order for things to live, others must die. Everybody is going to have good and bad times. Etc....
These universal truths don't give a fuck who you are. So why do you have to put a label on it and live your life based on someone else's rules? And that someone else doesn't even know me!

Yeah.... Read books people. Right now libraries are still free....


Peace

Poli-Tricks

Peace....


I have come to learn an uncomfortable truth.....
It doesn't matter how well you do a job, nor does it matter how efficient you are.
Unless you are the boss, you MUST play office poli-tricks.

I have had several job in my working career. So I have had several employee reviews. It is always the same.... My employers have NEVER been dissatisfied with my work. What they do say is that I don't play well with others. Playing well with others has never been one of my aspirations. Work is work. Play is play.

When I take a job, I assume it is to perform a specific service. Anything outside my job description is extra... And if I'm not getting paid for it.......

I have a coworker that does VERY little work. She does a lot of walking around and politricicking. Yet... she is the employee of the month and I get reprimanded. Here is the thing... I do what I am supposed to do. Not only that, I keep meticulous records. I'm also professional. So when employers want to get up in my ass about anything that is non job related, they never have a leg to stand on. Because... I do my job.

I am a very playful person, but I am not playful at work. I keep my life compartmentalized. I have my work people.... My righteous people... my sorority people... my family....my party people... I used to have church people, but they are all gone now... my good friends. Only my good friends get to be in more than one cipher. And my God is the ultimate good friend and he gets to be in everything.

I have come to learn to NOT make good friends in environments where we will have the same person signing our paychecks. Coworkers are as dependent on their check as I am. They will sell you out if they feel like it will preserve their job, or if they feel they need to. So why give them ammunition? On my 1st real job, I closely befriended a woman. She eventually became my boss. And when that happened I was initially thrilled. BUT.... she knew everything about me by that point. And she used that information against me whenever she had the opportunity to further herself. I was not just hurt at the job... but my feelings were hurt. I have never allowed myself to have a work close friend.

I am a polite person. I follow the rules of etiquette. Those are the only rules that can't be disputed. When I have a job with a office or a desk, I have the most current edition of Emily Post right on display. I strive to non-offensive to my coworkers. But I am no pushover and are always well aware of what my duties are. I speak to people and make the clients feel comfortable in the work environment. What more do people want?

I would love to work with me. But that's not who I work for or with.

When I get to work, I get here early. The reason behind that is I don't want to be late. Also I like to ease into my day and not be thrust into it. I then make a list (I also make one the night before) of what I need to accomplish and by what time. When I sit down with my cup of coffee, I proceed to knock my tasks out. Then when I'm done, I'll do whatever. Even when I come back from lunch, I do a mini version of the same morning procedure. It is rare I leave with work undone. I even plan out my week based on this model. That is right and exact. Making people feel warm and fuzzy... not so much.

Now here is where folks tell me I'm mean.... I don't eat lunch with other folks because... I follow a special diet and can get annoyed when folks make comments... because they are comments and not genuine questions... about what I eat. That is rude and insulting. I do not go out for drinks with coworkers or want to fool with them on my off time. I have a life and other shit to do. I'm not going to spend my recreational time with people where I have to be super cautious about what I say, what I wear, who I'm with, etc. If I'm invited to a wedding or funeral, I'll go. I will show my respects, but that's all you're getting from me. I won't buy trinkets from folks children. I don't sell anything, and I have no children for them to purchase crap from. There is no equality there and I don't feel any kind of way about it. I'm not sharing my personals with you. I'm just not. Me and the 7 had begun cohabiting for a minute before the people I currently work with realized. The only way they found out is because he came to a funeral with me.

I'm harking on work since I tend to be more cautious because that's where my money comes from. I have these same issues everywhere I go. My family thinks I'm a wild hippy Muslim child. I don't know where they get that from. I suppose it's because I'm different from them in obvious aspects (appearance, and religion is all I can think of). But in every way it matters I am very similar to them and have similar concerns. My sorority doesn't say it verbally, but I can see with their eyes that they think me different from them as well. I wrap my head... but always stylishly! I wear locs that can be seen (but that's no longer a faux pas these days?) and I have a very small nose ring that most folks don't notice. I see their eyes going up to my head then looking me all over. The old women just flat out ignore me until they want me to do something. I have decades in. Them old biddies don't mean shit to me. I pledged once. I won't do it again. Righteous people treat me suspect because I have college degrees, a square job, never been to jail and have no children. I must be an agent! I'm not interested in the things that interest them and just strive to see Allah's world manifest... And I'm not Muslim. My close friends are my sanctuary. I except them without questions and I expect the same. And for the most part, it's what I get. I have 7 of them that know me... and it's good. Unfortunately most of them aren't local. Oh well... this is a global existence.

I realize the common denominator is me, but I am unwilling to change because it essentially works for me. I have feelings... lots of feelings.... more feelings than folks suspect. And it's more important for me to protect those feelings rather than let folks run rough shot all over them and that is what folks do until proven otherwise. But I recognize.... that eventually.... I'm a have to figure out how to smooze... or become my own boss.


Peace

Skirts, Bras and Hate

Peace...


I had an interaction this weekend that brought to mind memories.... I was telling a “friend” that I had made a kelly green lace skirt. (I cannot stop looking at because it is so pretty!!!!) She asked me if I lined it. Of course I lined it. I work in a dentist office and not a strip club. She asked what color the lining was. That's a weird question. I still don't understand her motivation for asking. But I said, “brown.” She asked, “Why did you choose brown?” I said, “Because I'm brown.” She then told me.... that I should have lined it in beige and that my skirt would look dirty. Woooooooow!!!!!!That's a level of self hate I'm not used to. But maybe I should be.

I don't wear white bras. At this junction, I don't even own white bras anymore. Ever since I started buying my own bras, I have made the conscious choice to purchase bras that couldn't be detected under my clothes. I'm dark skinned. So I own mostly black, but some navy, some emerald green, etc. but all dark. When I know that I ma purchasing bras and will have to try them on, I wear a white shirt just to make sure you can't see it. My mother and I were bra shopping and she wanted to buy some for me. My boobs are not ordinary, so I have to shop at specialty stores. At this particular store on this particular day, they only had white bras in my size. I didn't want them. My mother says, “But they fit.” I said, “I don't wear white bras.” She said, “Everyone wears white bras.” I said, “I don't.” Even the dark skinned sales lady said that she preferred the darker colors. My mother refused to understand. But I refused to bras. And that reminded me of.....

When I got married, I had a bra made. (yes you can to that). I had a black bra made. When I brought it home, my mother bitched because I had it made in black and not white. I countered that you would be able to see a white bra though my dress. And she said not if I wore a slip. That interaction brought back to mind this one....

I used to usher. On the 1st Sunday all the ushers wore their “usher whites.” I always wore Black underthings so that you couldn't see them underneath my whites. The head usher took me aside and asked why I didn't wear white under my whites. I said because you'd see them. She said not if you wore a white slip. She said my whites looked dingy. I asked what about these white tights. She told me there was nothing I could do about them. And she made us wear these thick assed tights too. Not plain white hose, but tights. She said It would look better. What she meant is the color of our legs wouldn't seep through.

What's with this self hate dark people???? I know in this culture white people are seen as the default, so I expect foolishness from them... but not from us. We are supposed to know that everything that's for them doesn't always apply to us. I don't wear “nude” pantyhose. I wear coffee. I don't wear nude shoes, because on me, they are beige. I will wear bronze or copper shoes with everything, though. I don't wash my hair everyday. I know to try on makeup before I purchase it because it may just disappear into my skin.I should own stock in Palmers cocoa butter because I use it like that. I know that “ashy” is a real thing. And guess what... I... Don't... Look.... Dingy! When I wear dark foundation garments. I don't see white as the pinnacle of any damn thing.

But if you do.... stay the hell away from me. I'm having a good time. I own all of this.


Peace