Big Girl Problems....

Peace.

I'm super stressed y'all. I have no idea what to do about it. I wanna just bury my head in the sand, but I know I can't.... My mother is sick. Like really sick... or is she?

My mother is 77. A woman that age, with her lifestyle... and by lifestyle, I mean my mother would get diagnosed with some illness like diabetes and continue to eat what she wanted because she had a pill that would keep her from dying. Same with her high blood pressure, her congestive heart disease, her vertigo, her knee replacement, her sleep apnea, her everything. And she would scoff at doctors who would tell her to change her habits. So my mom is now really kind of debilitated.

Here is the thing.... I have asked her to move to Georgia and live with me. She has refused. My mother and I don't get along... We never have. Asking her to live with me was as crushing to me as it would be if she actually did move in with me. She doesn't have dementia... she gets tested yearly... so she gets to make her own decisions about how she wants to live her life. I have made suggestions that she should move into an independent care facility. That's not a nursing home. It's a spot where other old people live. It would give me some peace because folks would be paying attention to whether or not she's still alive. She can bring her own car and do just as much or as little as she wants. She owns 2 homes and instead of selling them, she can get a property management company to manage them and use the rental money to pay for her housing arrangements. Plus she was a teacher. She makes more retired than I make working. But... She refuses to listen to me. She'll listen to anyone else but me..

This is what she wants... She wants me to move.. just me and not the God... to SC and live with her waiting on her hand and foot. I owe it to her for raising me, I suppose. I don't want to do that. I'm NOT doing that. I have lived in GA for 16 years. I have a job that I've held for 12 years. I have a home here. The 7 has a job that he loves here that he plans to retire from. I've never lived in SC, other than to attend college. That experience was enough to assure that I was not ever going to live permanently in SC. Between her and me, she's the most mobile. She's not working. She can live in a senior home here in Atlanta. Why am I expected to uproot my life?

But is she as sick as she says? When I talk to her she ALWAYS sound like she's about to die. But if I call her from a different phone she sounds normal and coherent. Once she realizes it's me she goes into sounding sick.

Talking to my mother has never been easy. We are completely different. My mother is a master manipulator. I've seen it. So I will never trust anything that she says, She faked a diabetic episode in front of a bunch of people to make me look bad. It was at a family reunion that she was mad at me because it wouldn't go pick her up. Like I said... we don't really like each other. She wanted me to drive 4 hours to her house to pick her up, then drive another 4 hours to the reunion. I know my mother, she would have me running her errands all while complaining that I was a horrible disappointment to her. It was only a 2 hour drive from my house to the reunion hotel. So to prove to me that I was indeed a horrible daughter she faked a diabetic episode while at lunch. Here is the thing... diabetics don't have those episodes while eating. They have them when their blood sugar is low. She had everyone but me going, including the wait staff. I asked for a doggie bag and she instantly snapped out of her seizure to tell me to leave the food right where it was. My mother HATES doggie bags. That's when she was busted. And all the people at the table saw it.

Another annoying thing about our relationship is she lies. I hate to say that about my mother, but it's true. I HATE to take any gift that she offers because she will misconstrue to the people in her Cipher as support. And for some reason, these people will call me and voice their displeasure. Her boyfriend called me one day all pissed because of something and he said, “you have your mother paying your bills.” This was news to me. I asked “What bills?” My birthday is November so there was a check for that and she sent me another check for Christmas. It's crazy. My mother disliked my brother's wife so much, and got one her friends all riled up and the woman went into my sil's job and started a physical fight with her. SMH.... And these people being my mother's friends are like aunties. You feel like you gotta respect them even though they are way out of their lane.

My brother... the love of her life (her words, not mine).... died in May. She's not taking it well. And that's expected. All of her plans were as such... Everything she owns goes to him. Yup. All of it. He's older. She said he “would do right by me.” I have always known this. I told you we don't get along. She has been telling me, since he turned 18 that he would see to my care. I was 8 at the time and my father was very much alive and involved in my life. But she set my brother up to be my legal guardian if something happened to her? Hell! She wasn't my legal guardian! Anywho... she claimed that she needed to change her will so that I could inherit her stuff. She still doesn't like my sil. OK. Why I gotta be there for that? I cannot run up and down I20 every time my mother says boo.

So my mother is sitting in her home holding court... the center of all folks attention. And she is dogging me out, because that will bring her more attention. She telling folks I refuse to visit. I've been there 3 times since my brother died. My cousin want to use her home as a pit stop for all her indigent friends. Cousin thinks that the best option. But it isn't her decision to make. She acts like she doesn't know that. But who knows what my mother has said to her? All the rest of the SC family thinks I'm a horrible person for not giving up my life for hers. I get daily phone abuse. I can't ignore the phone calls because it might actually be one of her doctors or an emergency.

I'm doing all I know how to do. I feel like it's not enough. But I'm not going to drive myself crazy over something that has no resolution. But it's still keeping me up at night.

Thanks for reading.

****Sigh****


Peace

Cultural Misappropriation?

Peace!


This is a trend that I have been watching for a moment now. It's also something I have been giving serious consideration to....

Currently “tribal prints” and “ankara” are trending. In regular-speak, African prints. They are all over the runways. And when that happens, white folks pick it up. Well I can't stand seeing white people in African print. It's not for them. But guess what? As a Black-American, I don't touch Native American Culture... it's not mine, Indian culture... it's not mine, Asian Culture... it's not mine. As much as I would love to wear a sari, I won't. Africans don't like any non-Africans wearing their tribal prints. Not even Black Americans. Apparently, it's not for us either.

I've had the experience of wearing an “African outfit” and some Africans getting all up in my grill. They were what I'd call aggressive. (I've been told that's how they interact and there isn't hostility there) They flat out told me to not wear the print unless it was a special occasion. Work didn't qualify as a special occasion. Hmm....

Another time I was in an African store that sold fabric (along with other things). When I took some fabric to the counter to be cut, the owner asked me what was I going to do with it. I told her I was planning to make a skirt. She asked where I was planning to wear said skirt. That earned her a side eye. How is this her business? But I went along and answered her. I said to work. She shook her head and said the fabric was too special for that. So before she cut it, I gave her an option... either cut it, make the sale and stop trippin' about what I'm a do with it, or..... keep it in the store. She sold it to me with no more conversation. I even get emails to let me know what they have on sale.

Here is my question... If you don't want folks wearing your stuff.... Why sell it? What the hell do you think folks are going to do with 2 yards of ankara print?

I have often wondered what Africans feel when they see Black Americans wearing their print. I see why white folks should be shunned, But us too? I know we aren't Africans... but Really??? It makes sense on paper, but the Reality of things is you don't know a pigmented person is Purely African unless they say so.

I get skeeved out when I see white folks practice Hoodoo, Santaria, Palo, Vodun, or any of the ATRs. I mentioned that I don't like to see white people wearing African print. I don't like them wearing dreadlocks or cornrows either. I don't acknowledge white rappers... well maybe 3rd Base, but that's it! And Rachel Dolezal....? I can't ! White people have a track record of stealing culture, bastardizing it and then selling it back to us for a profit. But Black people don't do that....Can't do that... we do not HAVE the power to do that. All we can do is advertise. I wonder what they think when Rihana... who is not African, but West Indian.... wears their print? Beyonce wears a lot of ankara too.... But that might be different since they are famous. Famous people get passes for all sorts of things...

This is how I see this.... Since Africans have these issues, I won't buy it anymore. But I will use what I have in my stash. But if Africans wanna be truly Gully about preserving their traditions.... then don't sell it. Being on this end of the controversy is interesting.


Peace

http://www.mycoloures.com/2014/10/culture-is-not-costume-why-non-africans.html?showComment=1438695661638#c7875778901119616792

http://www.culturepattern.com/blog/2014/10/opinion-cultural-appropriation-black-americans/