Kool-Aid

Peace.

I am really sick of folks that drink the Kool-Aid and ask for more.....

Me and the 7 are looking into purchasing a home. We got pre-approved for a nice sum. But even with the amount that we were approved for we have been looking for a house that is in an Original neighborhood. Those homes are cheaper, because Black neighborhoods are considered bad regardless of the reality. That's what I want. I'm Black. Why would I not want to live in an exclusively Black neighborhood?

So my Kool-Aid loving Black friends are like... “Why do you want to do that to yourself?” and “Don't you want to live in a nice neighborhood?” This one is my favorite, “What about the resale value of your property?” Really... damnit ... REALLY?????

The 7 had concerns too, but just for a second. He was concerned about the low rating of schools for children we don't have. His thinking was... if the children are knuckleheads then they will be wilding out all up and through. I love him. So I forgive him for that.

Here is the thing.... For a neighborhood to be considered bad, and consequently the schools.... they must have a qualifying factor. That qualifying factor is minorities. If minorities are present it brings the property value down. This is why white folks claim they don't want Black folks living in their neighborhoods. Fine to work, just don't live there. Yes there are other things that bring it down, but those things are usually associated.... WRONGFULLY...with minorities. So.... if there are 10 homes on a city Block and 9 of them are occupied with white people and 1 home is occupied with Black people, then the value of the neighborhood is reduced significantly. The same goes for schools. The more minorities in the school, the lower the rating.

What that means for me as a Black person, as a member of a Black family, is that my presence alone is enough to cause a neighborhood to decline. What am I supposed to do with that? Nothing I can do. I can't stop being Black. And more importantly, I don't care. I didn't make that rule, I'm not going to play a game that is designed for me to lose. We work good square jobs. We have enough money to damn live anywhere. We will buy where we choose. We choose to live in a Black neighborhood. But why????

I never speak about this, because it makes me uncomfortable.... But I'm a Dentist. I attended a PWI school. They gave me money. And out of 98 students in my class, 3 of us were Black. Dental school in itself is stressful. But adding the extra pressure of being a Black female..... I felt like I was pledging and hazed for 4 years. The other 2 Black students were a couple and for some reason we weren't friends. If I wanted friends, they would have to be white. But white people never let you forget who is white and who isn't. My best friends included a girl who was considered PWT and the only Muslim person. That's it. So many jokes were made at my expense. I was touched, without permission, by a white male because he wanted to know if I was “thick” or just fat. He learned the term and was itching to use it. Another dude was certain I had a clutch of children somewhere. Never mind we were the same age. And he felt he was too young to have children. They did birthday celebrations for every student, they served chitterlings for my celebration. They were surprised I was offended and didn't partake. None of the 3 did. They served fried chicken for the other female and ribs for the other male. They just knew I and the other Black female could sing. And the Black man, they knew he could hoop and rap. My parents attended an event, and they were shocked that they'd been married and that I knew my father. They asked my parents if this was their 1st time at a university. My parents both hold advanced degrees and met in college. We 3 Black people attended a xmas party that was thrown out of fees that we were required to contribute to the class. We sat at the same table the entire event and only left each other to get food. We chose not to drink because knew something was going to happen. I have never seen a party this wild at 3pm. These white people drank and trashed the bar while the owners and staff looked on and said nothing. But at the end of the event, the 3 Black people were held by the police. They didn't know my Daddy. I called him when the event got out of hand. And he, his attorney, and the media showed up as they were trying to force us into a police car. I could go on.... I have 4 years of hell that I endured all for a degree that I don't use. I actually considered withdrawing, but the dean of the school... the mfing DEAN... told me I'd be better suited as a hair dresser. That's why I stayed. To show forth and prove my power. But to whom? And for what? So when I say that I as a Black person want my home.... my sanctuary.... my respite..... to be with other Black folks, I have my reasons.

When I moved to GA with my late 1st husband, we lived in an apartment complex were the people were VERY diverse. There were all kinds of people there. one evening, the Confederate flag waving white people would have bbq's in non-bbq areas and dare the staff to challenge them. I called the police, because I needed to move my car and they refused while shouting racial epithets at me. When the police came, they forced them to allow me passage, but didn't stop their shindig. When my husband got home, the party was still going strong. He decided to park his car and walk to the apartment. But that caused him to have to walk through the actual bbq. They assumed he was mine... not husband but baby daddy. Since we were the only Black people living in that section and they called me all manner of whore and slut, because they were mad that I had the audacity to call the police on them. I was sure of 2 things then... (a) I didn't want to ever live in an apartment complex again and (b) I didn't want to live in a mixed community. And I've not.

A Black friend of mine moved here from NJ. She and her family had 2 requirements: a house away from the city and a white neighborhood because they wanted good schools. Again, she didn't realize that good = white. The ratings are based on amounts of minorities and by having her children in said schools, she was lowering their ratings. So she and her husband bought. The first xmas she put out decorations. It was a Santa and reindeer and some big candles. It wasn't over the top and more importantly it was similar to what her neighbors put up. Night 1: they were turned upside down. They put them back upright. They assumed weather was the culprit. Really? Night 3: they were grafitti'ed... now if only Black people do that, and they were the only Black people in the neighborhood, what went wrong here? When they called the police, they were asked if possibly their own children did it. After much cleaning they put their decorations back up. Night 5: they drove to their church (dad is a UM preacher so....) for a xmas concert and when they got back, the decoration were on fire. Draw the most logical conclusions. And again the police did nothing. They eventually moved.

Why would you force yourself into a neighborhood where are aren't wanted and spend your gold to prove your worthiness? If it's lifestyle, there are upscale Black neighborhoods. And bougie Black people are a trip. Your tax dollars pay the police to treat you like a criminal. And the schools to categorize your child. My Realtor lives in a Black neighborhood but sends her baby to a white school. They called and told her that they were suspending her son for threatening another child. Not for actually beating the boy's ass, but threatening to. I was with her when she got the call. She was 38 hot. She started talking to herself and randomly pacing. When her husband went to the school to pick the boy up.... He found they accused his son erroneously. The son has a “white” sounding name. A white child threatened the boy, but they just assumed it was the Black boy with the same name. No apologies have been issued as of this writing.

When I bought a home with my 1st husband, it was a beautiful home in a beautiful neighborhood. A beautiful Black neighborhood. Minimal crime. Folks kept their homes up. It was a real community. So the premise that All Black folks live in the projects is way off. I grew up in a home that my parents owned in a Black neighborhood. Most of my neighbors and friends, all lived similarly. My upbringing was more Huxtables than it was Evans. The home my current 7 and I are considering is again a nice home in a nice Black neighborhood. I work all day for and with white folks. I'm not playing nice at home.

Another issue that people don't consider is if you are a Black person living in a white neighborhood, you are not going to have useful amenities. Black and white people are different and have different needs. Hair product, Hair salons, barber shops, churches, funeral homes, make up, certain foods.... All these things you will have to travel to Black neighborhood to get.

I guess the gist of this long assed rant that I'm calling a build... is just because it's white... doesn't make it superior. You drank the fucking Kool-aid if you think it does.... you either need to reconsider your thinking or get the fuck on.


Peace

Successful Relationships

Peace!

I don't know why people aren't more successful at relationships. Wait... I do know. And I'm going to put it all out there in this Build.

One reason why folks are unhappy in relationships is because they want stuff that doesn't go together. If you want a partner who has money, unless you find one who inherited wealth or hit the number, then s/he is not going to be super available. S/He has to work. Ladies and Gentlemen... You are not allowed to complain that your spouse/lover/partner works too much. You just can't. It's not allowed. On the flip side, If you want a partner that is super attractive, then their part time job is themselves. They aren't cooking for you and they aren't cleaning for you, they are working out and spending money on clothes, nails, facials, etc. It's how it works. You can't have your woman all freaky with a low man count. It doesn't work like that. You can't have a skinny chick that can cook her ass off. Doesn't go together. And you can't have a man with no hang ups that has baby mamas. You have to be super honest about what you want and what you're willing to put up with.

Second reason people ain't happy with the partner they have is they don't realize that when you are in a committed relationship... your partner is the numero uno. Not your homie, not your mama, not your best friend. Allowing other people in your relationship is synonymous with cheating. You ARE cheating, though. You are sharing affections with other people. You need to be "all in" "ride or die" with your partner and no one else. You need to put your partner above your children... if they are the parent of said children. If they are not the parent then the water becomes murky. You now have the only allowed 2 primary relationship situation. But if you and your partner are parents of the same children... then your relationship comes 1st. Them kids gonna be alright as long as y'all alright. One day those kids are going to leave, and if you really don't know who this other person is in your house, problems will arise.

Also, never argue with your partner in public. And never argue dirty. Anything you say to your partner will NEVER be forgotten. I have memories of how my 1st husband fought dirty he's been dead for 13 years. I would never argue with him in public. Not never. I would never discuss him with my friends or family. I would never borrow money from other people because I saw it as a disgrace that he couldn't take care of us. Our business was just that. Ours! And when we argued... oh, I could have said some hurtful shit. But I held back. And now I'm super satisfied that I always represented him well.

So folks, I've just fixed all your relationship problems. Your life should be all gravy from here on out.



Peace