Peace!
I don't know why people aren't more successful at relationships. Wait... I do know. And I'm going to put it all out there in this Build.
One reason why folks are unhappy in relationships is because they want stuff that doesn't go together. If you want a partner who has money, unless you find one who inherited wealth or hit the number, then s/he is not going to be super available. S/He has to work. Ladies and Gentlemen... You are not allowed to complain that your spouse/lover/partner works too much. You just can't. It's not allowed. On the flip side, If you want a partner that is super attractive, then their part time job is themselves. They aren't cooking for you and they aren't cleaning for you, they are working out and spending money on clothes, nails, facials, etc. It's how it works. You can't have your woman all freaky with a low man count. It doesn't work like that. You can't have a skinny chick that can cook her ass off. Doesn't go together. And you can't have a man with no hang ups that has baby mamas. You have to be super honest about what you want and what you're willing to put up with.
Second reason people ain't happy with the partner they have is they don't realize that when you are in a committed relationship... your partner is the numero uno. Not your homie, not your mama, not your best friend. Allowing other people in your relationship is synonymous with cheating. You ARE cheating, though. You are sharing affections with other people. You need to be "all in" "ride or die" with your partner and no one else. You need to put your partner above your children... if they are the parent of said children. If they are not the parent then the water becomes murky. You now have the only allowed 2 primary relationship situation. But if you and your partner are parents of the same children... then your relationship comes 1st. Them kids gonna be alright as long as y'all alright. One day those kids are going to leave, and if you really don't know who this other person is in your house, problems will arise.
Also, never argue with your partner in public. And never argue dirty. Anything you say to your partner will NEVER be forgotten. I have memories of how my 1st husband fought dirty he's been dead for 13 years. I would never argue with him in public. Not never. I would never discuss him with my friends or family. I would never borrow money from other people because I saw it as a disgrace that he couldn't take care of us. Our business was just that. Ours! And when we argued... oh, I could have said some hurtful shit. But I held back. And now I'm super satisfied that I always represented him well.
So folks, I've just fixed all your relationship problems. Your life should be all gravy from here on out.
Peace
Monday, October 19, 2015
Monday, August 31, 2015
Big Girl Problems....
Peace.
I'm super stressed y'all. I have no idea what to do about it. I wanna just bury my head in the sand, but I know I can't.... My mother is sick. Like really sick... or is she?
My mother is 77. A woman that age, with her lifestyle... and by lifestyle, I mean my mother would get diagnosed with some illness like diabetes and continue to eat what she wanted because she had a pill that would keep her from dying. Same with her high blood pressure, her congestive heart disease, her vertigo, her knee replacement, her sleep apnea, her everything. And she would scoff at doctors who would tell her to change her habits. So my mom is now really kind of debilitated.
Here is the thing.... I have asked her to move to Georgia and live with me. She has refused. My mother and I don't get along... We never have. Asking her to live with me was as crushing to me as it would be if she actually did move in with me. She doesn't have dementia... she gets tested yearly... so she gets to make her own decisions about how she wants to live her life. I have made suggestions that she should move into an independent care facility. That's not a nursing home. It's a spot where other old people live. It would give me some peace because folks would be paying attention to whether or not she's still alive. She can bring her own car and do just as much or as little as she wants. She owns 2 homes and instead of selling them, she can get a property management company to manage them and use the rental money to pay for her housing arrangements. Plus she was a teacher. She makes more retired than I make working. But... She refuses to listen to me. She'll listen to anyone else but me..
This is what she wants... She wants me to move.. just me and not the God... to SC and live with her waiting on her hand and foot. I owe it to her for raising me, I suppose. I don't want to do that. I'm NOT doing that. I have lived in GA for 16 years. I have a job that I've held for 12 years. I have a home here. The 7 has a job that he loves here that he plans to retire from. I've never lived in SC, other than to attend college. That experience was enough to assure that I was not ever going to live permanently in SC. Between her and me, she's the most mobile. She's not working. She can live in a senior home here in Atlanta. Why am I expected to uproot my life?
But is she as sick as she says? When I talk to her she ALWAYS sound like she's about to die. But if I call her from a different phone she sounds normal and coherent. Once she realizes it's me she goes into sounding sick.
Talking to my mother has never been easy. We are completely different. My mother is a master manipulator. I've seen it. So I will never trust anything that she says, She faked a diabetic episode in front of a bunch of people to make me look bad. It was at a family reunion that she was mad at me because it wouldn't go pick her up. Like I said... we don't really like each other. She wanted me to drive 4 hours to her house to pick her up, then drive another 4 hours to the reunion. I know my mother, she would have me running her errands all while complaining that I was a horrible disappointment to her. It was only a 2 hour drive from my house to the reunion hotel. So to prove to me that I was indeed a horrible daughter she faked a diabetic episode while at lunch. Here is the thing... diabetics don't have those episodes while eating. They have them when their blood sugar is low. She had everyone but me going, including the wait staff. I asked for a doggie bag and she instantly snapped out of her seizure to tell me to leave the food right where it was. My mother HATES doggie bags. That's when she was busted. And all the people at the table saw it.
Another annoying thing about our relationship is she lies. I hate to say that about my mother, but it's true. I HATE to take any gift that she offers because she will misconstrue to the people in her Cipher as support. And for some reason, these people will call me and voice their displeasure. Her boyfriend called me one day all pissed because of something and he said, “you have your mother paying your bills.” This was news to me. I asked “What bills?” My birthday is November so there was a check for that and she sent me another check for Christmas. It's crazy. My mother disliked my brother's wife so much, and got one her friends all riled up and the woman went into my sil's job and started a physical fight with her. SMH.... And these people being my mother's friends are like aunties. You feel like you gotta respect them even though they are way out of their lane.
My brother... the love of her life (her words, not mine).... died in May. She's not taking it well. And that's expected. All of her plans were as such... Everything she owns goes to him. Yup. All of it. He's older. She said he “would do right by me.” I have always known this. I told you we don't get along. She has been telling me, since he turned 18 that he would see to my care. I was 8 at the time and my father was very much alive and involved in my life. But she set my brother up to be my legal guardian if something happened to her? Hell! She wasn't my legal guardian! Anywho... she claimed that she needed to change her will so that I could inherit her stuff. She still doesn't like my sil. OK. Why I gotta be there for that? I cannot run up and down I20 every time my mother says boo.
So my mother is sitting in her home holding court... the center of all folks attention. And she is dogging me out, because that will bring her more attention. She telling folks I refuse to visit. I've been there 3 times since my brother died. My cousin want to use her home as a pit stop for all her indigent friends. Cousin thinks that the best option. But it isn't her decision to make. She acts like she doesn't know that. But who knows what my mother has said to her? All the rest of the SC family thinks I'm a horrible person for not giving up my life for hers. I get daily phone abuse. I can't ignore the phone calls because it might actually be one of her doctors or an emergency.
I'm doing all I know how to do. I feel like it's not enough. But I'm not going to drive myself crazy over something that has no resolution. But it's still keeping me up at night.
Thanks for reading.
****Sigh****
Peace
I'm super stressed y'all. I have no idea what to do about it. I wanna just bury my head in the sand, but I know I can't.... My mother is sick. Like really sick... or is she?
My mother is 77. A woman that age, with her lifestyle... and by lifestyle, I mean my mother would get diagnosed with some illness like diabetes and continue to eat what she wanted because she had a pill that would keep her from dying. Same with her high blood pressure, her congestive heart disease, her vertigo, her knee replacement, her sleep apnea, her everything. And she would scoff at doctors who would tell her to change her habits. So my mom is now really kind of debilitated.
Here is the thing.... I have asked her to move to Georgia and live with me. She has refused. My mother and I don't get along... We never have. Asking her to live with me was as crushing to me as it would be if she actually did move in with me. She doesn't have dementia... she gets tested yearly... so she gets to make her own decisions about how she wants to live her life. I have made suggestions that she should move into an independent care facility. That's not a nursing home. It's a spot where other old people live. It would give me some peace because folks would be paying attention to whether or not she's still alive. She can bring her own car and do just as much or as little as she wants. She owns 2 homes and instead of selling them, she can get a property management company to manage them and use the rental money to pay for her housing arrangements. Plus she was a teacher. She makes more retired than I make working. But... She refuses to listen to me. She'll listen to anyone else but me..
This is what she wants... She wants me to move.. just me and not the God... to SC and live with her waiting on her hand and foot. I owe it to her for raising me, I suppose. I don't want to do that. I'm NOT doing that. I have lived in GA for 16 years. I have a job that I've held for 12 years. I have a home here. The 7 has a job that he loves here that he plans to retire from. I've never lived in SC, other than to attend college. That experience was enough to assure that I was not ever going to live permanently in SC. Between her and me, she's the most mobile. She's not working. She can live in a senior home here in Atlanta. Why am I expected to uproot my life?
But is she as sick as she says? When I talk to her she ALWAYS sound like she's about to die. But if I call her from a different phone she sounds normal and coherent. Once she realizes it's me she goes into sounding sick.
Talking to my mother has never been easy. We are completely different. My mother is a master manipulator. I've seen it. So I will never trust anything that she says, She faked a diabetic episode in front of a bunch of people to make me look bad. It was at a family reunion that she was mad at me because it wouldn't go pick her up. Like I said... we don't really like each other. She wanted me to drive 4 hours to her house to pick her up, then drive another 4 hours to the reunion. I know my mother, she would have me running her errands all while complaining that I was a horrible disappointment to her. It was only a 2 hour drive from my house to the reunion hotel. So to prove to me that I was indeed a horrible daughter she faked a diabetic episode while at lunch. Here is the thing... diabetics don't have those episodes while eating. They have them when their blood sugar is low. She had everyone but me going, including the wait staff. I asked for a doggie bag and she instantly snapped out of her seizure to tell me to leave the food right where it was. My mother HATES doggie bags. That's when she was busted. And all the people at the table saw it.
Another annoying thing about our relationship is she lies. I hate to say that about my mother, but it's true. I HATE to take any gift that she offers because she will misconstrue to the people in her Cipher as support. And for some reason, these people will call me and voice their displeasure. Her boyfriend called me one day all pissed because of something and he said, “you have your mother paying your bills.” This was news to me. I asked “What bills?” My birthday is November so there was a check for that and she sent me another check for Christmas. It's crazy. My mother disliked my brother's wife so much, and got one her friends all riled up and the woman went into my sil's job and started a physical fight with her. SMH.... And these people being my mother's friends are like aunties. You feel like you gotta respect them even though they are way out of their lane.
My brother... the love of her life (her words, not mine).... died in May. She's not taking it well. And that's expected. All of her plans were as such... Everything she owns goes to him. Yup. All of it. He's older. She said he “would do right by me.” I have always known this. I told you we don't get along. She has been telling me, since he turned 18 that he would see to my care. I was 8 at the time and my father was very much alive and involved in my life. But she set my brother up to be my legal guardian if something happened to her? Hell! She wasn't my legal guardian! Anywho... she claimed that she needed to change her will so that I could inherit her stuff. She still doesn't like my sil. OK. Why I gotta be there for that? I cannot run up and down I20 every time my mother says boo.
So my mother is sitting in her home holding court... the center of all folks attention. And she is dogging me out, because that will bring her more attention. She telling folks I refuse to visit. I've been there 3 times since my brother died. My cousin want to use her home as a pit stop for all her indigent friends. Cousin thinks that the best option. But it isn't her decision to make. She acts like she doesn't know that. But who knows what my mother has said to her? All the rest of the SC family thinks I'm a horrible person for not giving up my life for hers. I get daily phone abuse. I can't ignore the phone calls because it might actually be one of her doctors or an emergency.
I'm doing all I know how to do. I feel like it's not enough. But I'm not going to drive myself crazy over something that has no resolution. But it's still keeping me up at night.
Thanks for reading.
****Sigh****
Peace
Tuesday, August 4, 2015
Cultural Misappropriation?
Peace!
This is a trend that I have been watching for a moment now. It's also something I have been giving serious consideration to....
Currently “tribal prints” and “ankara” are trending. In regular-speak, African prints. They are all over the runways. And when that happens, white folks pick it up. Well I can't stand seeing white people in African print. It's not for them. But guess what? As a Black-American, I don't touch Native American Culture... it's not mine, Indian culture... it's not mine, Asian Culture... it's not mine. As much as I would love to wear a sari, I won't. Africans don't like any non-Africans wearing their tribal prints. Not even Black Americans. Apparently, it's not for us either.
I've had the experience of wearing an “African outfit” and some Africans getting all up in my grill. They were what I'd call aggressive. (I've been told that's how they interact and there isn't hostility there) They flat out told me to not wear the print unless it was a special occasion. Work didn't qualify as a special occasion. Hmm....
Another time I was in an African store that sold fabric (along with other things). When I took some fabric to the counter to be cut, the owner asked me what was I going to do with it. I told her I was planning to make a skirt. She asked where I was planning to wear said skirt. That earned her a side eye. How is this her business? But I went along and answered her. I said to work. She shook her head and said the fabric was too special for that. So before she cut it, I gave her an option... either cut it, make the sale and stop trippin' about what I'm a do with it, or..... keep it in the store. She sold it to me with no more conversation. I even get emails to let me know what they have on sale.
Here is my question... If you don't want folks wearing your stuff.... Why sell it? What the hell do you think folks are going to do with 2 yards of ankara print?
I have often wondered what Africans feel when they see Black Americans wearing their print. I see why white folks should be shunned, But us too? I know we aren't Africans... but Really??? It makes sense on paper, but the Reality of things is you don't know a pigmented person is Purely African unless they say so.
I get skeeved out when I see white folks practice Hoodoo, Santaria, Palo, Vodun, or any of the ATRs. I mentioned that I don't like to see white people wearing African print. I don't like them wearing dreadlocks or cornrows either. I don't acknowledge white rappers... well maybe 3rd Base, but that's it! And Rachel Dolezal....? I can't ! White people have a track record of stealing culture, bastardizing it and then selling it back to us for a profit. But Black people don't do that....Can't do that... we do not HAVE the power to do that. All we can do is advertise. I wonder what they think when Rihana... who is not African, but West Indian.... wears their print?
Beyonce wears a lot of ankara too.... 
But that might be different since they are famous. Famous people get passes for all sorts of things...
This is how I see this.... Since Africans have these issues, I won't buy it anymore. But I will use what I have in my stash. But if Africans wanna be truly Gully about preserving their traditions.... then don't sell it. Being on this end of the controversy is interesting.
Peace
http://www.mycoloures.com/2014/10/culture-is-not-costume-why-non-africans.html?showComment=1438695661638#c7875778901119616792
http://www.culturepattern.com/blog/2014/10/opinion-cultural-appropriation-black-americans/
This is a trend that I have been watching for a moment now. It's also something I have been giving serious consideration to....
Currently “tribal prints” and “ankara” are trending. In regular-speak, African prints. They are all over the runways. And when that happens, white folks pick it up. Well I can't stand seeing white people in African print. It's not for them. But guess what? As a Black-American, I don't touch Native American Culture... it's not mine, Indian culture... it's not mine, Asian Culture... it's not mine. As much as I would love to wear a sari, I won't. Africans don't like any non-Africans wearing their tribal prints. Not even Black Americans. Apparently, it's not for us either.
I've had the experience of wearing an “African outfit” and some Africans getting all up in my grill. They were what I'd call aggressive. (I've been told that's how they interact and there isn't hostility there) They flat out told me to not wear the print unless it was a special occasion. Work didn't qualify as a special occasion. Hmm....
Another time I was in an African store that sold fabric (along with other things). When I took some fabric to the counter to be cut, the owner asked me what was I going to do with it. I told her I was planning to make a skirt. She asked where I was planning to wear said skirt. That earned her a side eye. How is this her business? But I went along and answered her. I said to work. She shook her head and said the fabric was too special for that. So before she cut it, I gave her an option... either cut it, make the sale and stop trippin' about what I'm a do with it, or..... keep it in the store. She sold it to me with no more conversation. I even get emails to let me know what they have on sale.
Here is my question... If you don't want folks wearing your stuff.... Why sell it? What the hell do you think folks are going to do with 2 yards of ankara print?
I have often wondered what Africans feel when they see Black Americans wearing their print. I see why white folks should be shunned, But us too? I know we aren't Africans... but Really??? It makes sense on paper, but the Reality of things is you don't know a pigmented person is Purely African unless they say so.
I get skeeved out when I see white folks practice Hoodoo, Santaria, Palo, Vodun, or any of the ATRs. I mentioned that I don't like to see white people wearing African print. I don't like them wearing dreadlocks or cornrows either. I don't acknowledge white rappers... well maybe 3rd Base, but that's it! And Rachel Dolezal....? I can't ! White people have a track record of stealing culture, bastardizing it and then selling it back to us for a profit. But Black people don't do that....Can't do that... we do not HAVE the power to do that. All we can do is advertise. I wonder what they think when Rihana... who is not African, but West Indian.... wears their print?
Beyonce wears a lot of ankara too.... 
But that might be different since they are famous. Famous people get passes for all sorts of things...This is how I see this.... Since Africans have these issues, I won't buy it anymore. But I will use what I have in my stash. But if Africans wanna be truly Gully about preserving their traditions.... then don't sell it. Being on this end of the controversy is interesting.
Peace
http://www.mycoloures.com/2014/10/culture-is-not-costume-why-non-africans.html?showComment=1438695661638#c7875778901119616792
http://www.culturepattern.com/blog/2014/10/opinion-cultural-appropriation-black-americans/
Wednesday, July 22, 2015
Me
Peace...
No one wants me to be myself. Apparently, myself scares a lot of people or creeps them out.
I am frequently accused of being mean, unapproachable, and scary. I really don't get why that is. I don't think I am. I think I'm just me. But my mother says everyone can't be wrong.
My mother is my primary example. She has never accepted me as is. One of the reasons we don't gel. I don't know what unconditional love is. Never had it. Now that I'm older and I don't need her for necessities, it makes that aspect of our relationship more pronounced.
Consequently, I put on appearances for people. Not all people, just people who I HAVE to deal with. If I need something from you, I'll examine you to figure the best approach. Clients always get a polite me. I can tell when folks are being shady. And the moment our business has concluded... especially so if I KNOW you aren't going to do more business... I get real. Most people can't handle that. I don't know why. It's not nasty. But when we are done you will know you have been dismissed and by me.
The only people who have ever given me feedback are exes. And they can't be trusted or they wouldn't be exes. Other "friends" will tell me that they have been busy and will call me later. But these exes tell me I'm too intense. I require too much of them. And not anything that can be tangibly qualified. They feel like they MUST be men in my presence. They are exhausted once they leave me. I don't know how to take that.
The people who know me as I am and yet accept me... are my dearest friends. Seriously. They've been my friends for years. The newest person to accept me just as I am is my God. And he did that more than 7 years ago. So you can see I go through friends like folks go thru soda. It is what it is.
But what's so wrong with me that people can't accept me? I don't smell. I don't ask for favors. I don't borrow money. It doesn't cost anybody anything to be cool with me. Hmmm.... I'm not losing sleep dwelling on it. It came through my mental.
I thought I'd share....
Peace
No one wants me to be myself. Apparently, myself scares a lot of people or creeps them out.
I am frequently accused of being mean, unapproachable, and scary. I really don't get why that is. I don't think I am. I think I'm just me. But my mother says everyone can't be wrong.
My mother is my primary example. She has never accepted me as is. One of the reasons we don't gel. I don't know what unconditional love is. Never had it. Now that I'm older and I don't need her for necessities, it makes that aspect of our relationship more pronounced.
Consequently, I put on appearances for people. Not all people, just people who I HAVE to deal with. If I need something from you, I'll examine you to figure the best approach. Clients always get a polite me. I can tell when folks are being shady. And the moment our business has concluded... especially so if I KNOW you aren't going to do more business... I get real. Most people can't handle that. I don't know why. It's not nasty. But when we are done you will know you have been dismissed and by me.
The only people who have ever given me feedback are exes. And they can't be trusted or they wouldn't be exes. Other "friends" will tell me that they have been busy and will call me later. But these exes tell me I'm too intense. I require too much of them. And not anything that can be tangibly qualified. They feel like they MUST be men in my presence. They are exhausted once they leave me. I don't know how to take that.
The people who know me as I am and yet accept me... are my dearest friends. Seriously. They've been my friends for years. The newest person to accept me just as I am is my God. And he did that more than 7 years ago. So you can see I go through friends like folks go thru soda. It is what it is.
But what's so wrong with me that people can't accept me? I don't smell. I don't ask for favors. I don't borrow money. It doesn't cost anybody anything to be cool with me. Hmmm.... I'm not losing sleep dwelling on it. It came through my mental.
I thought I'd share....
Peace
Tuesday, June 23, 2015
Pretty Is as Pretty Does
Peace....
I was listening to the radio this morning. And it gave me confirmation of something I kinda always suspected....
Rickey Smiley was on the radio talking about a man who was marrying a billionaire female for her money. Apparently, she wasn't all that pretty. The men on the show were calling her downright ugly. They also said they would never be able to get it up to do her on the regular. So even though she was rich, they wouldn't hit that long term because she was ugly.... WOOOOOW...
On the Real Housewife franchises... not the Atlanta, but all the others.... I have often wondered how these women got the come up. Many of them don't have an education passed the 12th grade. And if they do, it's like their hairdressers or sell real estate. Not knocking those trades but it's not like thy are balling. They weren't born rich; which means they married rich. Example... the “Countess.” Why would a rich man want these particular women above, IMO, other woman? Because they are pretty.
It seems so archaic on paper, but pretty goes far in this world if you're a woman. I am a self proclaimed pretty girl (cute face, impressive B:W:H ratio)... but I'm also damned smart. If I wasn't smart and only pretty then I wouldn't have noticed this trend. I have a plethora of degrees and work as hard as my man. But no one ever asks me what I do. All they expect me to be, is pretty. Work questions are strictly for men. Men are defined by their jobs and income. (Also their height and dick game, but that's for another time) If a man doesn't have a good job... and by that I mean a job that meets all his expenses with a little or a lot left over. I'm not saying it's the type of job, but what he makes.... then he isn't a man really. Women, however, are not defined like this. She can have a job pulling down 7 figures, but if she's ugly, or doesn't have a man and children... she is a failure as a woman. But a pretty woman who doesn't have 2 pennies to rub together is always seen as potential.
Men act like women have it COMPLETELY easy. Well if she never leaves home I would agree. But if a woman goes out into the world then she is met with the same needs that men are met with. Providing food, clothing and shelter for themselves. But UNLIKE men, women make $0.75 to every one of their $1.
I have been told that as a woman, my life is easier. I can't answer that. I've never not been a woman. But men haven't been women either so how the fuck can they speak on it. When I have bills... if I don't have the money, the bill gets shut off. Just like a man's bills. (Remember women get paid less money than a man for the same work) Just because I'm in possession of a vagina doesn't mean my debts are forgiven. Men would argue to use my vagina to get said bills paid. How exactly does one do that? Shall I take a picture of my vagina and send it to bill collector in lieu of payment? And the bill collector says, “That's a mighty fine pussy. She don't have to pay her carnote this month.”? Are men suggesting I should prostitute myself for the bill money? That's too much like work in addition to being degrading and illegal.
Let's move on.....
Pretty women have it easier only because men want to fuck pretty women. Once he's fucked her the novelty wears off and he's off to the next pretty girl. So it's a lose/lose situation for the female regardless. So the goal MUST be if a pretty woman wants to prosper is to lead a man on for as long as possible without screwing him. But that would make the woman a golddigger. Why is it we have no names for men with issues? So we women have to play the tightrope balancing game with men. To not be so independent, yet be able to handle all the business at hand. Many of us fall.
My mother tried to tell me this, but she really couldn't. How does a good mother tell her daughter to just be pretty? Think about it. Mommie wanted me to be a strong independent woman capable of taking care of myself. Never dependent on a man for anything. She tried to convince me that I'm not pretty because honest work is easier. I get why she did that. But by instilling that in me, it is also instilling me a life of loneliness. Because hardworking + independent + Black woman = manlessness.
So what is my point of this build? I'm not advocating that women need to dumb themselves down to get a man. That's wholly unnecessary. But if she is smart, she needs to use that. Stay in the pretty lane, ladies. Keep your self up. Hair.. nails.. wardrobe.... makeup..... all the pretty girl accouterments. Keep that shit going hard. Because men are visual people and it's what attracts them. Once you have them... you gotta work even harder to keep your pretty game tight. It's harder now, because with men around, they will see you in all your non-pretty glory. That. Can't. Happen.
Trade that bonnet for satin pillow cases. Make him have his own bathroom that you don't use (so he won't use yours). Don't let him see the work that goes into pretty. And be high maintenance. The walkin closet is yours ladies. No other way about it. He doesn't need to see all that. Go in there pretty from sleep and emerge pretty from primping. That's all he needs to know.
You gotta develop other things that pretty to hold on to him. Pretty is like a net. It traps him, but it doesn't keep him. The other attributes locks a man in his gilded cage. Keep a tidy house and learn how to cook and really develop meals. Don't go to the store and get a rotisserie chicken and the them to KFC for the rest of the meal. A man could do that. You gotta go in that kitchen and cook food so good, he'll abandon his mama on the highway to get home to you. Then sit with him while he watches his favorite shows. And if its sports.... find something quiet to do at his side. I read.... Pretty is a big deal, but the other stuff are quietly more important. Remember, you cannot fuck a man into submission. Not long term. Their equipment at is not the same as it is at 20. IJS. You are going to need those other things. And women are not as pretty as a woman at 20. Pretty has a shelf life.
This is real talk........
You want that man? Don't fuck it up.
Peace
I was listening to the radio this morning. And it gave me confirmation of something I kinda always suspected....
Rickey Smiley was on the radio talking about a man who was marrying a billionaire female for her money. Apparently, she wasn't all that pretty. The men on the show were calling her downright ugly. They also said they would never be able to get it up to do her on the regular. So even though she was rich, they wouldn't hit that long term because she was ugly.... WOOOOOW...
On the Real Housewife franchises... not the Atlanta, but all the others.... I have often wondered how these women got the come up. Many of them don't have an education passed the 12th grade. And if they do, it's like their hairdressers or sell real estate. Not knocking those trades but it's not like thy are balling. They weren't born rich; which means they married rich. Example... the “Countess.” Why would a rich man want these particular women above, IMO, other woman? Because they are pretty.
It seems so archaic on paper, but pretty goes far in this world if you're a woman. I am a self proclaimed pretty girl (cute face, impressive B:W:H ratio)... but I'm also damned smart. If I wasn't smart and only pretty then I wouldn't have noticed this trend. I have a plethora of degrees and work as hard as my man. But no one ever asks me what I do. All they expect me to be, is pretty. Work questions are strictly for men. Men are defined by their jobs and income. (Also their height and dick game, but that's for another time) If a man doesn't have a good job... and by that I mean a job that meets all his expenses with a little or a lot left over. I'm not saying it's the type of job, but what he makes.... then he isn't a man really. Women, however, are not defined like this. She can have a job pulling down 7 figures, but if she's ugly, or doesn't have a man and children... she is a failure as a woman. But a pretty woman who doesn't have 2 pennies to rub together is always seen as potential.
Men act like women have it COMPLETELY easy. Well if she never leaves home I would agree. But if a woman goes out into the world then she is met with the same needs that men are met with. Providing food, clothing and shelter for themselves. But UNLIKE men, women make $0.75 to every one of their $1.
I have been told that as a woman, my life is easier. I can't answer that. I've never not been a woman. But men haven't been women either so how the fuck can they speak on it. When I have bills... if I don't have the money, the bill gets shut off. Just like a man's bills. (Remember women get paid less money than a man for the same work) Just because I'm in possession of a vagina doesn't mean my debts are forgiven. Men would argue to use my vagina to get said bills paid. How exactly does one do that? Shall I take a picture of my vagina and send it to bill collector in lieu of payment? And the bill collector says, “That's a mighty fine pussy. She don't have to pay her carnote this month.”? Are men suggesting I should prostitute myself for the bill money? That's too much like work in addition to being degrading and illegal.
Let's move on.....
Pretty women have it easier only because men want to fuck pretty women. Once he's fucked her the novelty wears off and he's off to the next pretty girl. So it's a lose/lose situation for the female regardless. So the goal MUST be if a pretty woman wants to prosper is to lead a man on for as long as possible without screwing him. But that would make the woman a golddigger. Why is it we have no names for men with issues? So we women have to play the tightrope balancing game with men. To not be so independent, yet be able to handle all the business at hand. Many of us fall.
My mother tried to tell me this, but she really couldn't. How does a good mother tell her daughter to just be pretty? Think about it. Mommie wanted me to be a strong independent woman capable of taking care of myself. Never dependent on a man for anything. She tried to convince me that I'm not pretty because honest work is easier. I get why she did that. But by instilling that in me, it is also instilling me a life of loneliness. Because hardworking + independent + Black woman = manlessness.
So what is my point of this build? I'm not advocating that women need to dumb themselves down to get a man. That's wholly unnecessary. But if she is smart, she needs to use that. Stay in the pretty lane, ladies. Keep your self up. Hair.. nails.. wardrobe.... makeup..... all the pretty girl accouterments. Keep that shit going hard. Because men are visual people and it's what attracts them. Once you have them... you gotta work even harder to keep your pretty game tight. It's harder now, because with men around, they will see you in all your non-pretty glory. That. Can't. Happen.
Trade that bonnet for satin pillow cases. Make him have his own bathroom that you don't use (so he won't use yours). Don't let him see the work that goes into pretty. And be high maintenance. The walkin closet is yours ladies. No other way about it. He doesn't need to see all that. Go in there pretty from sleep and emerge pretty from primping. That's all he needs to know.
You gotta develop other things that pretty to hold on to him. Pretty is like a net. It traps him, but it doesn't keep him. The other attributes locks a man in his gilded cage. Keep a tidy house and learn how to cook and really develop meals. Don't go to the store and get a rotisserie chicken and the them to KFC for the rest of the meal. A man could do that. You gotta go in that kitchen and cook food so good, he'll abandon his mama on the highway to get home to you. Then sit with him while he watches his favorite shows. And if its sports.... find something quiet to do at his side. I read.... Pretty is a big deal, but the other stuff are quietly more important. Remember, you cannot fuck a man into submission. Not long term. Their equipment at is not the same as it is at 20. IJS. You are going to need those other things. And women are not as pretty as a woman at 20. Pretty has a shelf life.
This is real talk........
You want that man? Don't fuck it up.
Peace
Thursday, June 18, 2015
Boon Coons and other things....
Peace.
I love what few friends I have. It's funny, I live in GA, but I don't have friends here. I have a few girls I can call and we may get together. But I'm talking about down-assed-ride-or-die friends that I don't have to explain myself to. I have those type of friends... They just aren't local. And I'm not a fair weather friend who only wants to know you when you are on top. I will be offended if they go through something and don't tell me. True friendship always goes back and forth.
It seems this is the season for my homies to be going through relationship issues. And it struck me how well I knew them. 2 of my friends' men were both doing the same thing and I instinctively knew how each would respond. And I was right. When another homie told me she left her man, she didn't have to tell me why. I knew. Another girlie was having relationship reservations and I knew what to say to make her feel better. She isn't comfortable in her own skin unless there is a man in the picture. So once I established that there wasn't another option, I could Build with her. All of this got me to thinking....
I must have a personality profile. All my friends have them. So must I. Do they deal with me based on that information? I rarely have relationship problems. I'm a cut-and-runner. If I realize that I'm in a relationship with a man, a female friend, an organization, etc. that doesn't serve me... I bounce. I give no notice. I just go. I don't put up with foolishness if I don't have to. I will break up with a man via text message. I've quit jobs like that too. I ain't one for fooling around. And I promise you I'm the 1st person gone when I smell a fight. I've seen enough fights. If it ain't me fighting, I'm gone. I've noticed that when I'm angry my friends will start explaining themselves. And I don't see them doing that with other people.
But it just put friendship into perspective for me. Everyone ain't capable of true friendship. I am a jokester too. You can come to me with your problems and I will clown you to death. But I'll also be right there with you in the process (still clowning) helping you out. One of my above listed friends was helping me move while cops were chasing us. She cursed at me like I was a rat stealing her last oiece of food, but she was also taking evasive maneuvers that had me gripping the “oh shit” bar. If we are true friends, it's not you or me it's we. Everyone in both ciphers knows that too. You ain't fighting without me at your back. You ain't road tripping without me in the passenger seat complaining about your taste in music. And if you borrow money from me... you better pay it back. I hate loaning money and my friends know this (I hate borrowing it too so it stays balanced). I assume if you ask... you need it. Also don't ask for what I can't give you. That's insulting. I once had a so-called friend who asked me for $500. I ain't got that to lend. She said she didn't need it... just wanted to see if I would lend it to her. We aren't friends anymore. I can't trust her. I don't need other folks counting my money for sport. And dropping her was easy. Just never called her again and stopped taking her calls.
I know my friends and accept their faults. I have whores for friends. What? They just can't be alone with my man. They give great sex advice and know all about STDs. I have thieves for friends. We don't hang at MY house. Or in my car. And when I go out with them... I only carry my keys. We still good. I have religious friends... though I'm not. I have educated friends that I really need to hang with more because them and my moneyed friends keep me on my game. Broke busted friends can make you too comfortable. One needs to travel in multiple ciphers to stay balanced. I even have men friends. Men friends are special. You can't be touchy-feely on them like you can your girls. And if you get drunk they WILL fuck you unless they're gay. And if they're gay, they may steal your purse. Male friends are good for telling you what men think. Flagrant gay male friends are good because they will up your style game. Gay female friends are good if you want to go out and not be hit on by men. And butch women can fight their asses off. So can flagrant gay men... go figure. I know my people. And they know me.
This build was cathartic. I was in my feelings about not having ride or die friends close by. But I realize I have just what I need. Whenever I have called on my homies they have been there for me and vice versa. They will pay their own money for airfare to make sure I'm ok. And I appreciate that. Yeah... I'm good.
Peace
I love what few friends I have. It's funny, I live in GA, but I don't have friends here. I have a few girls I can call and we may get together. But I'm talking about down-assed-ride-or-die friends that I don't have to explain myself to. I have those type of friends... They just aren't local. And I'm not a fair weather friend who only wants to know you when you are on top. I will be offended if they go through something and don't tell me. True friendship always goes back and forth.
It seems this is the season for my homies to be going through relationship issues. And it struck me how well I knew them. 2 of my friends' men were both doing the same thing and I instinctively knew how each would respond. And I was right. When another homie told me she left her man, she didn't have to tell me why. I knew. Another girlie was having relationship reservations and I knew what to say to make her feel better. She isn't comfortable in her own skin unless there is a man in the picture. So once I established that there wasn't another option, I could Build with her. All of this got me to thinking....
I must have a personality profile. All my friends have them. So must I. Do they deal with me based on that information? I rarely have relationship problems. I'm a cut-and-runner. If I realize that I'm in a relationship with a man, a female friend, an organization, etc. that doesn't serve me... I bounce. I give no notice. I just go. I don't put up with foolishness if I don't have to. I will break up with a man via text message. I've quit jobs like that too. I ain't one for fooling around. And I promise you I'm the 1st person gone when I smell a fight. I've seen enough fights. If it ain't me fighting, I'm gone. I've noticed that when I'm angry my friends will start explaining themselves. And I don't see them doing that with other people.
But it just put friendship into perspective for me. Everyone ain't capable of true friendship. I am a jokester too. You can come to me with your problems and I will clown you to death. But I'll also be right there with you in the process (still clowning) helping you out. One of my above listed friends was helping me move while cops were chasing us. She cursed at me like I was a rat stealing her last oiece of food, but she was also taking evasive maneuvers that had me gripping the “oh shit” bar. If we are true friends, it's not you or me it's we. Everyone in both ciphers knows that too. You ain't fighting without me at your back. You ain't road tripping without me in the passenger seat complaining about your taste in music. And if you borrow money from me... you better pay it back. I hate loaning money and my friends know this (I hate borrowing it too so it stays balanced). I assume if you ask... you need it. Also don't ask for what I can't give you. That's insulting. I once had a so-called friend who asked me for $500. I ain't got that to lend. She said she didn't need it... just wanted to see if I would lend it to her. We aren't friends anymore. I can't trust her. I don't need other folks counting my money for sport. And dropping her was easy. Just never called her again and stopped taking her calls.
I know my friends and accept their faults. I have whores for friends. What? They just can't be alone with my man. They give great sex advice and know all about STDs. I have thieves for friends. We don't hang at MY house. Or in my car. And when I go out with them... I only carry my keys. We still good. I have religious friends... though I'm not. I have educated friends that I really need to hang with more because them and my moneyed friends keep me on my game. Broke busted friends can make you too comfortable. One needs to travel in multiple ciphers to stay balanced. I even have men friends. Men friends are special. You can't be touchy-feely on them like you can your girls. And if you get drunk they WILL fuck you unless they're gay. And if they're gay, they may steal your purse. Male friends are good for telling you what men think. Flagrant gay male friends are good because they will up your style game. Gay female friends are good if you want to go out and not be hit on by men. And butch women can fight their asses off. So can flagrant gay men... go figure. I know my people. And they know me.
This build was cathartic. I was in my feelings about not having ride or die friends close by. But I realize I have just what I need. Whenever I have called on my homies they have been there for me and vice versa. They will pay their own money for airfare to make sure I'm ok. And I appreciate that. Yeah... I'm good.
Peace
Wednesday, June 17, 2015
Teach Me
Peace....
I'm teachable. The reason I say that is because there have been times in my life where I recognized that (a) I didn't know something and (b) took steps to rectify the issue. Examples....
When I was a little girl, I wanted to be a little boy. I can't say I identified as a boy because I liked a lot of the girl stuff. It's just that being a girl is an inconvenience compared to being a boy. IJS... Also I had a brother who I wanted to be just like. At some point, I realized that I liked being a girl and boys weren't so bad. But I realized around age 10 hadn't learned little intricacies of little girldom. I couldn't jump double dutch.
Double dutch is a big deal to little girls when and where I grew up. It defined you as a female. The better you jumped, the more worthier you were. I couldn't jump well. That didn't stop me from playing. But, if you know anything about DD, it meant I always had the end. After always having the end, I realized that I wasn't going to get better at jumping. I'd just be really good at turning.
That summer I scouted out some other chronic end-havers and the YMCA summer camp I was attending and brokered a deal with them. Seriously, it was all business like that. It was the 3 of us who couldn't jump. We sequestered ourselves in an unused area of the camp and took turns jumping until we got good. We gave each other tips about what we observed. And by the end of camp, all 3 of us were good enough to jump with the best of the girls and we got respect. LOL @ respect from 10 year olds...
I never learned to play jacks either. I found out that my mother discouraged jacks because she never wanted to inadvertently step on one with her bare feet. I never gave it thought like that. Until I was in an after school program (yeah... my mother was always busy) and jacks was the thing. Since by then I was nice in DD and NO ONE could out jump me.... I had a certain level of female respect. But I couldn't play jacks. And jacks was a big deal there. The reigning jack champ challenged me and my stupid ass thought it was all in fun. She was kind of a mean girl, but I have always been big for my age (though not tall) and I sport a mug still to this day. She beat the brakes off me. She was a jacks savant. Well you know what happened.... I got hold of some money and bought 3 sets of jacks. Them things are little and I expected to lose a few. And every waking hour that I didn't have something going on I played. While at the CYO, I only jumped rope, but I watched... When the annual jacks tournament came, I entered. I worked my way up from the bottom to challenge the jacks queen. She and I were in the final round. She won... but she worked for that win. When it was over, she complimented me on my game and asked me if I had been playing with her before.
My mother doesn't listen to music. So I didn't listen to music. But teenagers listen to music. It's not a peer pressure thing because once I started, I found I liked music. But I had no knowledge of music before 1982. That's not so bad as a teen, because most contempories are concerned about what's current. I covered my ignorance by always knowing every lyric of every song on the radio. My mother didn't do albums (yes I'm old) either. She would get mad if we bought them even with our own money. She might break them... Yeah, I still don't know... but she didn't know anything about cassettes. So I'd load up on cassettes... or buy them off of friends to dub songs so that I could learn them. I know... As I got older and older people have more refined tastes, my lack of “old school” became more apparent. So... I taught myself old school. I would find old albums and ask older people what was the hotness and learn all the songs so that I could literally... fake the funk. It's worked. But I know I don't know as much as others. But now when I hear a name... I have spotify and the internet to educate me. I must be the only 40 something Black person who had never heard of the Barkays...
My mother is serious about her cards. She is old school so she taught me to play 500, and whist... but not spades. I am NOT proficient in bid whist. I can be your partner until your other partner gets back from the beer run. I'm good with that right now. I might learn later but right now... I'm good. I'm not extroverted enough to go looking for whist players. And whist players have their own underground secret squirrel network. But my spades game was lacking. When I went to college, I thought I was playing a friendly game with some classmates. If you know spades on an HBCU campus... there is no such thing. One of my tightest female friend and her friends could beat anybody on the yard... and had that distinction for the 4 years they were in attendance.... including teachers! My friend was a math genius. She could count cards. I don't know why she hasn't made a life for herself as a poker shark.... Their skill was legendary. But before they got famous... I asked her to tell me what was wrong with my game. I wasn't about to get my feelings hurt unnecessarily. I was either going to be good, or I wasn't going to play. So me and my boyfriend sat down and played a game with these 2. The bf was a solid player. Not a shit talking trophy winner, but decent. The 3 of them completely and painfully critiqued my game. Explained nuances that I hadn't noticed. I knew to NOT renege, but I hadn't understand how to read the cards and watch other people while still playing along with my partner. They got me straight. And with nightly practice, by my sophomore year I was good enough to play in the student center. By senior year I could shit-talk with the best of them. I have even won a trophy!
I'm teachable. I am able and honest enough to see when I lack and then decide if there is something I want to do about it. There is lots of things in my life that I know need changing... but I'm not necessarily ready or willing to change. Then there are other things that I have forced myself to learn. The internet is one of those things. I was in my 30's when it came to prominence. Long removed from formal education. I had to figure out blogs, and social media and so forth. The older you get it's hard to learn things, because you have so much to unlearn in the process. I am a 1st class seamstress. I am also self taught. I even 1'ed 120 in my 30's because I can learn new stuff. There is a lot I can do that no one personally taught me... because I'm teachable.
Are you?
Peace
I'm teachable. The reason I say that is because there have been times in my life where I recognized that (a) I didn't know something and (b) took steps to rectify the issue. Examples....
When I was a little girl, I wanted to be a little boy. I can't say I identified as a boy because I liked a lot of the girl stuff. It's just that being a girl is an inconvenience compared to being a boy. IJS... Also I had a brother who I wanted to be just like. At some point, I realized that I liked being a girl and boys weren't so bad. But I realized around age 10 hadn't learned little intricacies of little girldom. I couldn't jump double dutch.
Double dutch is a big deal to little girls when and where I grew up. It defined you as a female. The better you jumped, the more worthier you were. I couldn't jump well. That didn't stop me from playing. But, if you know anything about DD, it meant I always had the end. After always having the end, I realized that I wasn't going to get better at jumping. I'd just be really good at turning.
That summer I scouted out some other chronic end-havers and the YMCA summer camp I was attending and brokered a deal with them. Seriously, it was all business like that. It was the 3 of us who couldn't jump. We sequestered ourselves in an unused area of the camp and took turns jumping until we got good. We gave each other tips about what we observed. And by the end of camp, all 3 of us were good enough to jump with the best of the girls and we got respect. LOL @ respect from 10 year olds...
I never learned to play jacks either. I found out that my mother discouraged jacks because she never wanted to inadvertently step on one with her bare feet. I never gave it thought like that. Until I was in an after school program (yeah... my mother was always busy) and jacks was the thing. Since by then I was nice in DD and NO ONE could out jump me.... I had a certain level of female respect. But I couldn't play jacks. And jacks was a big deal there. The reigning jack champ challenged me and my stupid ass thought it was all in fun. She was kind of a mean girl, but I have always been big for my age (though not tall) and I sport a mug still to this day. She beat the brakes off me. She was a jacks savant. Well you know what happened.... I got hold of some money and bought 3 sets of jacks. Them things are little and I expected to lose a few. And every waking hour that I didn't have something going on I played. While at the CYO, I only jumped rope, but I watched... When the annual jacks tournament came, I entered. I worked my way up from the bottom to challenge the jacks queen. She and I were in the final round. She won... but she worked for that win. When it was over, she complimented me on my game and asked me if I had been playing with her before.
My mother doesn't listen to music. So I didn't listen to music. But teenagers listen to music. It's not a peer pressure thing because once I started, I found I liked music. But I had no knowledge of music before 1982. That's not so bad as a teen, because most contempories are concerned about what's current. I covered my ignorance by always knowing every lyric of every song on the radio. My mother didn't do albums (yes I'm old) either. She would get mad if we bought them even with our own money. She might break them... Yeah, I still don't know... but she didn't know anything about cassettes. So I'd load up on cassettes... or buy them off of friends to dub songs so that I could learn them. I know... As I got older and older people have more refined tastes, my lack of “old school” became more apparent. So... I taught myself old school. I would find old albums and ask older people what was the hotness and learn all the songs so that I could literally... fake the funk. It's worked. But I know I don't know as much as others. But now when I hear a name... I have spotify and the internet to educate me. I must be the only 40 something Black person who had never heard of the Barkays...
My mother is serious about her cards. She is old school so she taught me to play 500, and whist... but not spades. I am NOT proficient in bid whist. I can be your partner until your other partner gets back from the beer run. I'm good with that right now. I might learn later but right now... I'm good. I'm not extroverted enough to go looking for whist players. And whist players have their own underground secret squirrel network. But my spades game was lacking. When I went to college, I thought I was playing a friendly game with some classmates. If you know spades on an HBCU campus... there is no such thing. One of my tightest female friend and her friends could beat anybody on the yard... and had that distinction for the 4 years they were in attendance.... including teachers! My friend was a math genius. She could count cards. I don't know why she hasn't made a life for herself as a poker shark.... Their skill was legendary. But before they got famous... I asked her to tell me what was wrong with my game. I wasn't about to get my feelings hurt unnecessarily. I was either going to be good, or I wasn't going to play. So me and my boyfriend sat down and played a game with these 2. The bf was a solid player. Not a shit talking trophy winner, but decent. The 3 of them completely and painfully critiqued my game. Explained nuances that I hadn't noticed. I knew to NOT renege, but I hadn't understand how to read the cards and watch other people while still playing along with my partner. They got me straight. And with nightly practice, by my sophomore year I was good enough to play in the student center. By senior year I could shit-talk with the best of them. I have even won a trophy!
I'm teachable. I am able and honest enough to see when I lack and then decide if there is something I want to do about it. There is lots of things in my life that I know need changing... but I'm not necessarily ready or willing to change. Then there are other things that I have forced myself to learn. The internet is one of those things. I was in my 30's when it came to prominence. Long removed from formal education. I had to figure out blogs, and social media and so forth. The older you get it's hard to learn things, because you have so much to unlearn in the process. I am a 1st class seamstress. I am also self taught. I even 1'ed 120 in my 30's because I can learn new stuff. There is a lot I can do that no one personally taught me... because I'm teachable.
Are you?
Peace
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