Anybody Here?

I wouldn't blame you if you weren't. I've been a bad blogger..... But if your still here.... Thank you for your patience.

It's that time again... Time to order the new seed catelogs! I've been ordering and ordering. I know I can browse them online, but I'm old school. I want to hold them in my hands.

The goals aren't much different than they have been... Veggie garden and flower garden.

I have already dedicated my front yard to my mother (peace be upon her) so all the flowering plants should be white. She like white. She thought that was pure and clean.

When it comes to the veggie garden.... I've decided to keep things easy. In the past I went crazy planting food I didn't particularly like i.e. eggplant. So I'm a keep things easy peasy and plant food I and only like. My husband is easy. He'll go along with what I want.

Hopefully, this is the year I will become successful

2 weeks

Peace

Everything that is going to come up is coming up, I suppose. Mostly everything looks a little leggy. Maybe I have the light too close? It's not that close though. Anyway.... I know they'll keep growing. All I have to do is be patient.

I have decided to plant some cabbage. I have cabbage seed left from last year. I was going to save it for my fall garden, but who's to say I can't have summer cabbage?

I went to a friend's home for dinner last night. They made a dish that had squash eggplant, green peppers and plantain. Normally, I try to eat foods other prepare for me... But I couldn't. I don't eat any of that. I don't eat it, I don't grow it....


Peace

Seeds

Peace Y'all,

I would have posted this on the day I did it but my smart phone was acting dumb. I went on started my seeds. It seems early, but last year I planted them in May and by the time they were seedlings it was oppressively hot. I have a friend who had fruit on her plants at her 4th of July party and I didn't. A google search had me realize it was going to be like that until it cooled down. Because the heat prevented food from setting. Nights have to be in the 70's for that too happen. But I'd still have to water the plants through the heat. I didn't get all that much from my labors last year. So this year. I decided to plant freaking early! It was either 2/2 or 3/21. Next year I might wait until the equinox. We shall see what happens this year.... With a 90 days on most plants, they should be bearing fruit by May. Now is that something I want? We shall see....

So here are my seeds

Here are my seeds planted in the pellets.

Fingers crossed!

Garden Dreams......

Peace!

I got a TON of garden catalogs so far. This is the season for planning a garden so that is right and exact. I've made a few purchases this year already. I bought seed pellets. I plan to get some actual plastic flower pots to start seeds in since those are reusable. I'm not sure if I can buy new pellets for next year that fit in the old containers. I tried Styrofoam cups and that didn't work. Idk why... Pellets make things so much easier.... But I'm going to do a comparison this season. Half pellet, half pot.

I bought a light and a growing mat. I looked at the unit where all that stuff was together... BUT.... I'm thinking no. I got the same feeling when I looked at a long armed quilting machine. It be nice to have, but how could I justify the cost or the space?

This year I'm going to grow more plants in the ground rather than bales. My bales from last year still work, so I'm going to use them this year to plant my pole beans. Last year I didn't plant nearly enough I really enjoyed the beans I got to eat. But only I enjoyed them. There wasn't enough to share. I have space in the back (I know I said I wasn't going to garden back there anymore) to plant bush beans aka black eyed peas and corn. Right off the front porch, I'm planting tomatoes, peppers, cucumbers and watermelon. Damn what my neighbors think. I was hoping to to permaculture it but even if it's unsightly... I don't care.

I'm also planning to grow a bunch of greens: collards, kale and calallo. I like and should eat more greens. I'm planning them in a moderately shady spot. I hope that works. I'm going to try my hand at strawberries too. I have a sunny spot ready!

I bought about $30 worth of seeds and have plans to buy more. So an additional garden goal for 2017 is to learn how to save seeds.

I actually drew out a garden plan. How about that for adulting! It's complete with companion planting of marigold and basil. Last year bugs got the good stuff and I was pissed. So I've decided that I'm not above chemicals. This is my last year planting and eating everything I grow. 2018, I plan to have excess to do some canning and preservation. I'm planning a fall garden as well. But that is a far dream away.

I'm not a Wiccan, but I find that their wheel of the year is VERY useful for planning out my garden schedule. They have a holiday coming up on Thursday. I'm planning to start my seeds that day. The sunniest room in my home is the living room. When I close it off with the heat on, it's also the warmest. I'll turn space heaters on if I have to. I don't have a lot of furniture in there now so it will be my greenhouse until another Wiccan holiday of Beltane comes and I set my plants out for the duration. Lughnasadh is another holiday that starts on August 1st. I'll sow seeds for my winter garden. Wiccans planned it all out for me. And I'm taking the best part.

I plan to live in my home for a long time. So I have time to perfect the landscape. The God likes smelly plants so I'm adding some gardenias and something orange in the front. I haven't figured what, but it has to have a fragrance. I personally LOVE hydrangeas so they are going to be planted as well. I want to add some azaleas, but I don't want the yard to look hap-hazard. I don't really like the white ones, but that's what I'll probably plant for consistency. I can always add color in front of them in future years. I'm planning some pink and orange roses in memory of my mother.

I really hope this summer isn't as hot as last summer. I timed everything wrong and screwed up a lot. The big difference between this year and last year, is this summer I will have a job and can afford this hobby in addition to my sewing addiction.

So this is me rattling on... But trust and believe that I'm excited! I need this right now.


Peace

Wrap Up

Peace!

I got my 1st new seed catalog in the mail yesterday and I was EXCITED!!!! All the plans I'm making and winter hasn't officially arrived. But it occurred to me that I never wrapped up my 2016 garden and share the lessons I learned...

Lesson #1:
Plant only the food that you are interested in eating. Among other things... I planted eggplant, watermelon, cantaloupe and cucumbers. I don't like any of those things. I forced myself to eat it because I grew it. I might plant cucumber next summer, but I won't make that the star.

Lesson #2:
You really do have to start early. I put seeds in the ground around April. That was a mistake. I should have put plants in the ground in April. Which means I'm going to need to start seedlings in February. It gets really hot here in the summer and a lot of plants won't set fruit if it doesn't cool down enough in the evening. A lot of my tomato plants burnt out before they set fruit. When the last frost date passes, I need to hit the ground running. Getting those plants dead in the ground.

Lesson #3:
Full sun doesn't always mean full sun. I have a truly sunny spot in my front yard, and I put a full sun plant there.... The sun burned the hell out of that plant. Even with daily watering. So be mindful.... If the plant tells you it needs "full sun" in zones 4-8, if your in zone 8.... not so much.

Lesson #4:
This is a me thing... I'm kind of lazy... I set the garden really far from the house. I had to walk more than 100 feet to get to the garden. There was no spigot out there so I had to run several hoses out to the spot to water. I found that oppressive and began resenting the garden. I'm moving everything closer to the house for next year. An issue is.... there is a lot of space over in the 2016 garden spot that I won't be using. So what do I do with it?

Lesson #5:
My herb garden didn't do shit this year. I have had better success with growing herbs in a sunny window INSIDE the house. That soooooooooo pissed me off. It can be that they were in pots because my inside herbs were in pots. I watered (not over watered) I did everything right. BUT.... they floundered and really didn't grow much more than they came when I bought them. I'm leaving them outside to see what happens come next year. Maybe they will perk up. Maybe cold will be good for them.

Lesson #6:
This is very important.... Bale gardening does work! BUT... the fruit you get will be smaller. Before you try one, ask yourself if that's something you can live with. My suggestion is to do a combo of the 2. Like don't put the cardboard down so plants can grow into the dirt.


I had planned to do a winter garden, but lost interest. I have yet to clear the space. I know, lazy....


So my garden 2017 plans will include a lot of greens, beans, tomatoes and peppers. Maybe this is the year I try to grow potatoes! We eat a ton of those. And put them closer to the house.

So between now and then, my plan is to acquire the items I need to get my garden going.


Peace

Harvest

Seems chinchy for all that effort. But it's just getting started. I expect more in August and September. Also... Time to start thinking about fall...

1st Harvest

These 3 Thai beans are the 1st of my garden that's ready to eat. I have some bell peppers, but they are still green....

Summer

Peace.

I keep saying I'm a take some gardening pics. I forget my phone every day.

Things are looking good though, even though I had to cheat... I bought some plants... peppers, eggplant, watermelon, cantaloupe, collard greens and 1 green cucumber plant. My cucumbers are doing great, but I only planted yellow cucumbers. I thought I should have at least 1 green plant. And my own seed planted cucumbers are way bigger than the plant I bought.

Faye Lewis is right. I only need to water once a day and morning is best. It's just that morning requires my lazy ass to get up and go out there. Sigh..... It's been raining hard here. So I don't have to go every day. But it's summer. And just because the weather calls for rain doesn't mean it's going to rain in your backyard.

So that's it.. for now. I'm promising a pic post soon!!!!


Peace

Some things are growing....

Peace.

I know this garden is gonna be an ongoing process. Some of the seeds I planted are up and looking healthy. Some aren't. I planted the seeds about 2 weeks ago.

5/6 bean plants are growing and 4/6 cucumbers are growing. I'm not mad. The weather has been all over the place. Hot/cool... It dropped down to the 50's last week. I might add a store bought cuke plant. All I planted were lemon cucumbers. I don't really like cucumbers (the 7 does), but I think I'd like lemon ones. The God is funny about food so I should really plant something he'd recognize. I brought home a chayote and he won't touch it. And a home grown cucumber tastes COMPLETELY different than store bought ones.

The fleshy tomatoes have budded. I put in a store bought tomato plant for contrast. Since this is my 1st bale garden, idk if I've overloaded the bale. We shall see....

None of the cherry tomatoes are doing anything. 

The peppers look like they might be trying to come up. The fish peppers are starting to peek through. The chocolate bell peppers are doing nothing!!! Nothing at all! But since the fish peppers are slow,  I'm a wait And see if they come up for a few more weeks. If not, I have other seeds to plant like squash and eggplant.

I have a shady bale for collards kale and cabbage. In NJ, where I'm from, people grew cabbage, collards and kale in their backyards all summer long. It was one of the only things they could grow in the yard from seed. The growing season is short and Jersey doesn't get hot like that. But NJ is the garden state? Maybe just South Jersey

I planted more cherry tomatoes, lettuce and basil. According to the books, tomatoes should be started indoors and transplanted. That's not the way my aunt or grandmother grew them. They used seeds and still ate tomatoes. Using bales and miracle grow that is supposed to hold water should give them the advantage, right? Plus, Those bales are really moist inside.

I still have 2 bales that I have no idea what to plant in them. Plus.... I haven't planted my corn or carrots. Those have to go in the ground. I have a spot for them but just haven't gotten around to tilling the ground. It's pure laziness. I'm over there every day. Just not with a shovel. Now the plot is overgrown. Maybe I can get the God to aid me.

It's supposed to be hot in the next few days here in GA. I've decided to water twice a day: morning and evening. Unless it rains.

Peace

Planting

Peace!

I'm a bit late getting my post on. That's because I've been late getting my garden on. I guess gardening is not for the lazy... My aunt and grandmother both kept gardens. My aunt's garden was METICULOUS. All rows were nice and neat... Everything was perfect. My grandmother's garden was different all together. She would plant very haphazardly and there was a point where she would stop maintaining. She said that gardens are like children, you get them to a point then they are on their own. My aunt's garden didn't produce any more because it was tidy. My grandmother's didn't produce any less because it was messy. I'm somewhere in the middle.

I really should have planted a week ago... But life happened. I spent a week with my mother in SC. That was a delay... When I came back, I just didn't want to do it. But I have spent a lot of energy on this garden already and I wasn't ready to let it all go to shit. I planted 5/14/2016.

I got most of my seed from rareseeds.com. Most of what I planted are heirloom. I say most because I've had issues with them in the past. This is their last chance. If these seeds don't do well, I'm not ordering from them again. Especially since this bale business is supposed to be the shit. And those seeds are expensive! I guess they have to pay for that magazine they call a catalog...

I had originally planned for 15 bales, I bumped it down to 10. I think 10 is a lot. I don't have enough to fill all ten. Right now I planted 6. I'm headed off tot the store purchase some additional seeds.

Peace

Installation

Peace!

Since I'm not working.... I've had time to work on my garden. Right before I was let go I ordered $30 worth of vegetable seeds. Would I have still went on with the garden had I known I wasn't going to have a job? Probably not. But since I ordered them, I am going to keep on keeping on....

I plan to get a few more seeds....

I decided to go with a bale garden. This house is new to me and I don't know what's going on with the land so I figured that the bales (a)can deal with this Georgia clay, (b)would be easier and (c)better for me overall. If you've never heard of wheat bale gardening, google it. People are growing amazing gardens in wheat bales.

Basically the science behind bale gardening is the bales will turn into compost with 10-14 days of treatment. Treatment includes a nitrogen fertilizer and water. Once properly treated, you can put plants right in the bales or start seeds. Starting from seed is actually cool because the bale will retain a certain amount of heat, and plants planted in compost grow out of control. Also plants won't be competing with weeds for nourishment. You do need to add some soil to the top once you get planting. The bales should last through 2 seasons of planting (summer and fall) and then you can either plant new bales over it, till the compost into the ground or both. The down side is the amount of constant watering you have to do. Bales don't hold water well.

I had the hardest time finding wheat bales. Pinestraw? Everywhere! I lucked up and found some decent sized bales at Lowes. They were about 4'x2' and cost $6.77/bale. I was planning to do 15 bales but I downsized to 10. So the bales cost ~$70 and the seeds cost $30. The garden, so far, cost $100. I had a gift card given to me by a friend as a wedding present. Yeah, the God and I got legally married... So my overall investment is $50. I moved the bales in my Jeep. In the future... I will rent a $19.99 uhaul. It cost me $20 to get all that wheat straw out of my car and I think, I'm not sure, that I broke the vacuum cleaner. I'm documenting the costs because folks always wanna complain about how expensive healthy activities are.


The bales are supposed to set up on corrugated cardboard. That keeps the grass underneath from infecting the bales. But not in a bad way. Cardboard will decompose and become part of the compost mix. Also cardboard will encourage earthworms. Worms are great for a garden. But I didn't have any corrugated cardboard,nor was i going out to look for any. Since I have been in the moving cipher, I used a few of the boxes that we used to move. Hey cardboard is cardboard. Right?


I set them up and watered them in. The smell of damp wheat was strangely soothing... The 1st 3 days are water only. Next 3 days are 1/2 cup fertilizer per bale. Day 7-10 the fertilizer is reduced to 1/4 cup per bale. If the bale is cool enough, you can plant on day 10. Otherwise, keep watering without fertilizer and plant on day 14. I'd like to start the 1st week of May.

That's my boo thing garden, y'all!


PEACE!

Deserts

Peace!

I'm Black. And I have lived in Black neighborhoods most of my life... BY CHOICE! But in my new digs, some realities have become abundantly clear. Black neighborhoods are food deserts. Not all... but most.

Food deserts are defined as areas where fresh foods aren't available. Seriously... Really???? What Black people don't want fresh foods? We are cool with fast and processed foods? I don't think so.

I remember an argument with my mother and my uncle. My aunt and uncle came to visit us in NJ, and my uncle straight clowned my mother about her choice to remain in Jersey. The most memorable part of the argument was that our food was nasty. What??? How could our food be nasty? It came from the grocery store. But the grocery store was the same kind of store that every one had. I mean across the bridge where the white people lived, they had better stores, but that was over there. We could go over there if we wanted too. My parents had cars, and sometimes we did go to those stores, but it involved a bit of a road trip.

I went to a HBCU. I lived off campus. And again, the only option was 1 grocery store and a few gas stations. And speaking of gas stations... I had a coworker who lives in the belly of the hood, with no car of her own. I have witnessed this former coworker buy ALL her groceries from either the gas station or Family Dollar. This is the option that is offered to people who choose to live in Black neighborhoods.

I've lived in neighborhoods that started off mixed. I mean if I live there then its mixed right? These neighborhoods had grocery stores (not food marts) banks (not check cashing places), restaurants (not many fast food restaurants), etc. But as the neighborhood became darker... These amenities disappeared. Not all at once, but eventually. And it was blamed on rising crime rates. I call Bullshit! These neighborhoods didn't become more crime ridden. It just got darker. I looked at the statistics that are available for all folks to see and those were lies. Those companies just didn't want to be in dark neighborhoods.

On the flip side. I've lived in neighborhoods that started out very Black, and then white people came on in... They bring in the new businesses... white businesses.... and then the prices of rent and taxes go up forcing the dark people out. there is an area in Atlanta called "Browntown" that's not so brown anymore. They even built these people a new park!!!!

And this isn't a war Black folks can win. Are very presence decreases property values. It's not that we are nasty or violent. But just us being there means that the neighborhood is going downhill. And if we keep coming, they will keep fleeing. The Obamas could move in a lily white neighborhood and the values would drop.

The basics that Black folks get in there own neighborhoods, is always sub par. The schools suck, the roads suck, the cops are meaner, and the food sucks! Food is a primal necessity we all need. How are we supposed to prosper without proper nourishment? When I 1st moved to the city (rather than suburbs) the only person in my office who lived in the city was my white boss. I made a comment about the loss of electricity when the weather got bad and he looked at me like I had 2 heads. He said he can't remember the last time he lost electricity in his white neighborhood. We would lose electricity every week in my Black neighborhood. Not just me, the street lights would start blinking.

So what do we do? The canned answer is we need to do for ourselves. But we have shown and proven that that isn't going to happen. We've drank too much of the Kool-Aid. What we really need to do is have a mental paradigm shift. Yes we need to have our own... But we need to do it right and not half assed. We need to offer our own the very best, with the best customer service. Not that shitty service we get from hood type shops. I went to florist in the hood looking for carnations and you should have seen the anorexic looking specimen she pulled out of the refrigerator. The look of shock on my face had her lie to me and tell me that's all she had. She didn't expect for me to go to the back and look myself. When I saw she was offering me bullshit at full price, I bounced. Also we need to not ask for hook ups like just because someone shares our skin color, they owe us a solid. You don't do that when you go to a white store.

But here's the thing... White folks don't like when we get our shit together. Most race wars were started because poor white folks were mad that Black folks had more than they did. I've said it before, and I'll say it again. Until we take the devil off our planet... we will have no justice or peace.

I gotta go now. I have a long drive to get some good groceries....


Peace

Forced New Beginings

Peace!

I lost my job on Wednesday, April 6, 2006. I worked there for 13 years almost to the date! THIRTEEN mother-jumping years!!!! Yes I'm salty. My boss said it's because we aren't making any money and payroll is too hard to meet. He decided to keep his non-working friend who has been there a few years. She does nothing but make personal calls all day. She leaves early every day (at 63 she does crossfit) and comes late most days. This came as a total shock to me, but i don't think it was shocking to the other employees. I was off the week before I was let go. And when i came back on Monday, folks weren't meeting my eyes, nor were they speaking to me. I had seniority over his friend, and there is a person who works per diem, part time. But I am the one... the only one... who got the ax. And I haven't had a raise in 9 years because he said that we were in a salary freeze.... whatever I'm over it. Sort of.....

Anywho... I have time to focus on some gardening! The God and I closed on a house on March 28th. Yes my boss knew all about this while he was planning my exit. This new house is on a half of an acre lot. And.... it already has a dedicated area for gardening and a chicken coop! So while I'm looking for another job, I'll have plenty to keep me busy. On "Axe Wednesday", I ordered a bunch of seeds (in addition to a bunch of other things I wouldn't have purchased had I known I was going to be let go. I actually emptied my amazon wish list...) The seeds came yesterday. Seeds are heirlooms and do not have an unlimited shelf life. So... I'm a need to plant these seeds this season if I want to use them.

I've decided to go with bale gardening. I'm unfamiliar with the property and it is almost too late in the season to get started with the ground. I don't have any seedlings started. It was always my plan to do a bale garden. This being Georgia means we have that red clay which is not habitable for most plants. Especially new plants. A few years of bale gardening, turning the composted bales into the ground every year, will give me, over time, good ground soil.

No pics right now. I'm watching some delivery men try to bring in a refrigerator we purchased when we thought we were a 2-income couple. Oh well!


Peace

Your Shit

I find it interesting that people don't take responsibility for the choices they make. As grown people we all get to make choices that will tremendously affect our lives. That's what makes us grown. And when I see grown people, my assumption is they made choices that put them in their current situations or they allowed people to make choices for them... again a decision they made. So I hardly ever feel sorry for grown people who find themselves in a dubious predicament because it was their hands that put them there.

That being said, it is my CHOICE to not let collateral people and the choices they made, affect me in such a way my Cipher gets shaken. No. that is my boundary. The only people that get to get in... and this list is super short... are my mother and my God. The list was longer but folks died off. I've lost a lot of people so I'm sure whose actions will have the visceral effect on me. I share my life with my God, so anything that affects him will affect me. He gets sick and can't work, that interferes with the bills being paid in my home. There's love there, but for this Build I'm being pragmatic. If something happened to my mother, my household bills would not be affected since she does not make a financial contribution to my home, but I'm very invested emotionally in my mother's well being. Being her only living child makes the responsibility even harder. But these are my legal relatives.

I have dear friends, that should something happen to them, I'd be emotionally devastated. But that is where the response ends. I'd be there for the moment to their families and then I'd be back to my grind.

This being said... means.... I'm not getting invested in shit that isn't my business. I'm not. And you can't make me. That is a grown person decision.

Does this make me a bad friend? Could be... Could be not. Whose to say? But this is the friendship that you are getting from me. Take it or leave it.

Notice I didn't say Peace....

Retrograde

It is said that insanity is to doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. But what is it called when you do the same thing over and over again and you get different results each time? What is the opposite of insanity? Sanity? I don't think so.

Every 5 years or so I question my entire life. My health changes... usually for the worse. I get dissatisfied with my wardrobe and have a crisis of lifestyle. Every five years. Nothing seems to work. It's here.... right on schedule.

Holiday rant

Peace.

I was reading a blog rant that inspired my own.....

This time of year is known as the “Holidays.” Not the Christmas season, but the Holidays. Because.... there are lots of different things being celebrated now. Not all of them are Christmas. Jesus is not the only reason for the season.

There are a bunch of Christians pissed the fuck off because folks say “Happy Holidays” vs “Merry Christmas.” Ummmm.... why? When you look at an individual, you cannot assume they are Christians. You should not make that assumption. I live in the USA and xianity is NOT the official religion. There is not official religion for the US so it would be foolish of you to assume that everyone you come in contact with shares YOUR beliefs.

Here is the thing... xians have not done their due diligence to preserve their celebration. If you don't like how secular xmas has become then you should have not allowed everyone to join in. You don't see gentiles celebrating Hanukkah. You don't see non-Muslims fasting for Ramadan. If you wanted xmas to be pure, you should have kept it to yourselves. There is even an argument that the xians came up with xmas trees... I'm sorry to inform you... you did not. Folks been bring trees into their homes at the winter solstice for antiquity. In winter everything died and only evergreens were alive. They wanted cheering up. And xians answer me this.... What do xmas trees have to do with the birth of your savior???? Was there a tree growing in the barn he was born in? Did the wise man hang their gifts like ornaments on the 1st xmas tree??? Get your fucking facts straight. Jesus wasn't even born in December. Xian fathers picked that date because that's when a bunch of merry making was going on anyway. They didn't want their new followers to miss out so they co-opted the celebration. The sadness is because of their lying assed shenanigans, the real birth date of Jesus was lost to the ages. Idiots....

This is the same shit that happens on Mothers Day. I get wished happy Mother's Day without checking to see if I have a child. When I say I don't have a child, instead of just apologizing and moving on they try to qualify it. Well go wish some men Happy Mothers Day. And they say it's stupid. Just as stupid as assuming everyone buying gifts and wrapping paper has a church home.

I got to googling because I was wondering how many officially Xian countries there are. The answers were murky at best. I'm talking OFFICIAL, written in there constitution countries and not just where the majority of the population is xian. I said it was murky because even the internet won't commit. In countries like Iran, Iraq and Afghanistan their constitution starts out, “We are the sons of Muhammad...” Well you know those jokers are officially Muslim all up and through. But not so much for these arrogant xians... England has an official xian church. So I assume it's a xian country. The Vatican is a country so them. Other than that... idk. Maybe some of them South American countries?

Y'all xians need to stop. Everything ain't all about you. There are plenty of people who don't want your jesus and there ain't nothing you can do about it. And if you don't like “Happy Holidays” would you like “Fuck you bitch” any better?

Black Women

Peace.

I was having a conversation with one of our patients yesterday. I'm super friendly with patients... it's part of the job. And it's authentic.... even though I don't aspire to be a “nice” person.... but anyway.... We were both Black women just shooting the breeze about how we navigate this wilderness.....

And I realize... It is so fucking hard to exist in this country being a Black person and additionally being female. I wanna say that we aren't supported by the men of our race... But that's a build for another time.

I'm an inconsistent outside runner. I say inconsistent because if the weather is bad I don't run. And I don't have a treadmill or a gym membership so there is no running indoors. I like being outside. Anywho.... I have had numerous life lessons associated with running outdoors.... (1) always make sure your clothes match. If not, and your Black, you look like your fleeing from a crime scene. That's one of the reasons I don't run in the cold. Because to layer up to warmth has me looking like a thief. Especially if my face is partially covered. Here is the thing... when I go over to areas where white folks are known to run and they dress ragedy.... they look like runners. Not to me, but to other people. So the lesson I took from that is that as a Black person I have to look non-intimidating otherwise I will be detained by the police. Even though I'm a woman....

But because I'm a woman I have learned (2) to be prepared to prove... if possible... that I am actually running and not 'solicitating'. This shit pisses me way the fuck off. Basically, folks see me on the street and just assume I'm a hoe. Nevermind that I am exercising in my own damn neighborhood. The only reason for a Black WOMAN to be outdoors is because she is looking to have illicit sex with strangers for money? But... there are Black male runners in my hood. We've had the occasional convo. They too get stopped by the police, but it is never for soliciting. It's always a check. Funny, I get the checks too and the extras.

I don't like them 'checks' either. Not only because it's an insult to me, but because you search for zones when running. To stop in the middle throws the entire run off. Because you either cool down and slow your heart rate. And you want your heart rate to hit a certain spot and maintain it there, That makes you stronger as a person and stronger as a runner. If your training for respectable distances than this is a problem getting frequently pulled over.

Problem (3) So, don't run in my own neighborhood. Run on dedicated tracks. Well..... on holidays and weekends I can run at the local school's track... if they allow it. Sometimes they do, sometime they don't. It's all about how they feel and what's going on. If soccer practice is happening or school is session you aren't welcome. So there is no true consistency in there. I could go to trails.... But the trails in this county have histories of women being raped and killed there. I'd be running alone so....... yeah no. I'd rather be accused of whoredom than killed. I could run the beltline... I could... I have.... But the beltline is for white people. No there's no 'white's only' sign but there might as well be. I've run the beltline.... By the time you find a place to leave your car... most of the spots over there are metered..... And get to running... the white runners treat you like you have ebola and want to infect their babies. And the cops ARE GOING to stop you and question you about how you got loose from your hood. You better have your license and some cash in your pocket or they could get you for vagrancy or loitering. Running while Black is a real thing.

It's not just running. I'm marginalized at every opportunity by him/devil. I was in a restaurant with some girlfriends and we were sitting at the bar. Every time we ordered something we were asked to pay immediately. As a former bartender, that immediately got my attention. If you want people to keep drinking and ordering items, you don't make them pay after every order. Mentally when people pay, they are ready to go. My friends paid... I waited. I told the bartender I wasn't done with my order and retained the menu. I observed the bartender running tabs for all the white people but insisting that all the Black people pay up front. I decided on water and when we left and my girls were about to tip the bartender, I told them to stop. The bartender got mad and told me that he was entitled to tips. That was enough to insure my friends were NOT going to tip. But I informed him... loudly... that I observed him running tabs for white people, but not for Black people. He said Black people run out on bills. He just insured that all the other Black people sitting there weren't going t tip.

I don't have to tell you about being followed in stores. All Black people get that. I don't have to tell you about the everyday racism and discrimination that all Black people face. But as a woman... I get extra special discrimination. Here is a list of things people assume when they look at me.....

I have several children.... by different men.
I have never been married.
I live in the projects
I was raised by any other female relative other than my biological mother
I'm on welfare or have been on it at some point
I have a relative in jail.
I've never voted.
I have some hustle going on.
My hair isn't real.
I'm uneducated.
I work a menial job.
I don't know my father well or at all.
I have bad credit.
I turn up every Saturday night with brown liquor and then praise white Jesus all day on Sunday.

This is some bullshit to have to wake up knowing I'm going to have to face every day. But I do it because there is nothing else to do. But since it's wrong... I do get to bitch about it.

I'm exhausted.


Peace

profanity and ebonics

I hate bitch assed haters. I know I'm supposed to make my haters my motivators, but I (a) have too many and (b) I can find folks more inspiring..... The topic of this particular rant are these Southern Peach chicas who think that the way they do shit is the only way it can be done.

I do my own nails. When I moved to my current address it was over an hour round trip to my regular technician. I braved it for a few months.... the shops here are too ghetto/unprofessional.... they make you wait when there are no clients, yet plenty of techs in the back. When they make me wait at the minimal 30 minutes in an empty shop.....I leave with about 5 bottles of their polish. My time is worth something. Another shop tried to rob me by charging you me shit they ain't do. I called on chick out on it and she called the police on me like that was supposed to scare me. Really... she learned that day. The police sided with me! I have a car. I can go anywhere I choose. That's one half of this particular hater coin. The other half is I decided to do my own nails. I went to the BSS, bought all the shit and do my own nails. You cannot tell that the Asians ain't do them. I used to do my own nails when I was in grad school. I got proficient enough to do other folks nails. I like to feel some luxury so when I started working steady I let someone else do them for me. I can do most things to my nails with the exception of airbrushed designs. So where is the hate?

My real estate agent made a comment about how thick my nails where. I don't normally discuss my grooming habits with folks. Because people be wanting to share opinions about shit that ain't their business. I HATE unsolicited advice. But.... I was eating and all in my feelings about my vittles. I was distracted and said, “I make them thick because they don't crack.” She caught that and said, “You do your own nails??? You can't tell....” I said, “Isn't that the point?” The convo went on for a hot second about how and why. Now I catch her constantly checking my hands to see the status of my nails. If she deems them busted she makes sure to mention it. Here's the thing.... my nails are never busted. I don't have to wait until nail day to do make adjustments. But the polish may chip or I might be growing them out a bit from the cuticle. I don't need this trick to be up on my hands. And I know she only does that to me because she knows I do my own nails. Another of our colleagues... who gets her nails done... I asked her why she didn't comment on her nails. She said, “Oh she gets hers done professionally.” I need new friends.....

Another chick who knows I sew, is always asking me last minute to make repairs. She has no compunction to show up at the crib and say, “I need you to hem this, I'm wearing it in 15 minutes.” Once might be okay. But now I avoid her like herpes. And because of this she shades my name amongst our so-called friends. I'm not compassionate. I hoard my talents. Had she asked in a reasonable time frame, I might accommodate her. I TOLD her her shit is shady. This means nothing to her. I've asked why she doesn't go to the cleaners and let them do her alterations.... She literally said, “They charge too much.” which means she doesn't want to pay. This bitch buys garments and fabric with me doing something with them in mind. We don't speak anymore. Seriously... I avoid her like I do the Jehovah's Witnesses.

I think I'm pissed because I must appear as an easy mark. Just because I can do something, doesn't mean I want to do it for you or that my homemade version is somehow low budget. It's not. My clothes fit me well without pinning or wearing spanx. No, you can't come to my house and have me cook you some food. The only grown people I cook for is Precise and my mother. If you come to the crib, you can't drink up my liquor or assume control over my remote control. You cannot. You didn't pay for the privilege. I'm over being nice and sharing. Because in this day and age folks don't share back. And I'm over your judging... especially if you can't do what I do. I'm not broke, and that's why I make my own clothes. I make my own clothes because it's a hobby I love and I can.... So fuck you bitches!!!!

I don't do this to people. You invite to your home to break bread, I'm bringing something and inviting you back to mine. I do reciprocity. Not the "68 and I'll owe you 1" type shit. I only drink if I brought a bottle. And when I leave. I don't ask for plates and I don't take my brought shit back. If I know someone has a skill, I compensate them for the ability. I don't do freebies and hookups. I'm the best friend ever. But I know and understand how to use the word “No”. But as far as these damn haters go.... I have no problem throwing the 1st punch.

Kool-Aid

Peace.

I am really sick of folks that drink the Kool-Aid and ask for more.....

Me and the 7 are looking into purchasing a home. We got pre-approved for a nice sum. But even with the amount that we were approved for we have been looking for a house that is in an Original neighborhood. Those homes are cheaper, because Black neighborhoods are considered bad regardless of the reality. That's what I want. I'm Black. Why would I not want to live in an exclusively Black neighborhood?

So my Kool-Aid loving Black friends are like... “Why do you want to do that to yourself?” and “Don't you want to live in a nice neighborhood?” This one is my favorite, “What about the resale value of your property?” Really... damnit ... REALLY?????

The 7 had concerns too, but just for a second. He was concerned about the low rating of schools for children we don't have. His thinking was... if the children are knuckleheads then they will be wilding out all up and through. I love him. So I forgive him for that.

Here is the thing.... For a neighborhood to be considered bad, and consequently the schools.... they must have a qualifying factor. That qualifying factor is minorities. If minorities are present it brings the property value down. This is why white folks claim they don't want Black folks living in their neighborhoods. Fine to work, just don't live there. Yes there are other things that bring it down, but those things are usually associated.... WRONGFULLY...with minorities. So.... if there are 10 homes on a city Block and 9 of them are occupied with white people and 1 home is occupied with Black people, then the value of the neighborhood is reduced significantly. The same goes for schools. The more minorities in the school, the lower the rating.

What that means for me as a Black person, as a member of a Black family, is that my presence alone is enough to cause a neighborhood to decline. What am I supposed to do with that? Nothing I can do. I can't stop being Black. And more importantly, I don't care. I didn't make that rule, I'm not going to play a game that is designed for me to lose. We work good square jobs. We have enough money to damn live anywhere. We will buy where we choose. We choose to live in a Black neighborhood. But why????

I never speak about this, because it makes me uncomfortable.... But I'm a Dentist. I attended a PWI school. They gave me money. And out of 98 students in my class, 3 of us were Black. Dental school in itself is stressful. But adding the extra pressure of being a Black female..... I felt like I was pledging and hazed for 4 years. The other 2 Black students were a couple and for some reason we weren't friends. If I wanted friends, they would have to be white. But white people never let you forget who is white and who isn't. My best friends included a girl who was considered PWT and the only Muslim person. That's it. So many jokes were made at my expense. I was touched, without permission, by a white male because he wanted to know if I was “thick” or just fat. He learned the term and was itching to use it. Another dude was certain I had a clutch of children somewhere. Never mind we were the same age. And he felt he was too young to have children. They did birthday celebrations for every student, they served chitterlings for my celebration. They were surprised I was offended and didn't partake. None of the 3 did. They served fried chicken for the other female and ribs for the other male. They just knew I and the other Black female could sing. And the Black man, they knew he could hoop and rap. My parents attended an event, and they were shocked that they'd been married and that I knew my father. They asked my parents if this was their 1st time at a university. My parents both hold advanced degrees and met in college. We 3 Black people attended a xmas party that was thrown out of fees that we were required to contribute to the class. We sat at the same table the entire event and only left each other to get food. We chose not to drink because knew something was going to happen. I have never seen a party this wild at 3pm. These white people drank and trashed the bar while the owners and staff looked on and said nothing. But at the end of the event, the 3 Black people were held by the police. They didn't know my Daddy. I called him when the event got out of hand. And he, his attorney, and the media showed up as they were trying to force us into a police car. I could go on.... I have 4 years of hell that I endured all for a degree that I don't use. I actually considered withdrawing, but the dean of the school... the mfing DEAN... told me I'd be better suited as a hair dresser. That's why I stayed. To show forth and prove my power. But to whom? And for what? So when I say that I as a Black person want my home.... my sanctuary.... my respite..... to be with other Black folks, I have my reasons.

When I moved to GA with my late 1st husband, we lived in an apartment complex were the people were VERY diverse. There were all kinds of people there. one evening, the Confederate flag waving white people would have bbq's in non-bbq areas and dare the staff to challenge them. I called the police, because I needed to move my car and they refused while shouting racial epithets at me. When the police came, they forced them to allow me passage, but didn't stop their shindig. When my husband got home, the party was still going strong. He decided to park his car and walk to the apartment. But that caused him to have to walk through the actual bbq. They assumed he was mine... not husband but baby daddy. Since we were the only Black people living in that section and they called me all manner of whore and slut, because they were mad that I had the audacity to call the police on them. I was sure of 2 things then... (a) I didn't want to ever live in an apartment complex again and (b) I didn't want to live in a mixed community. And I've not.

A Black friend of mine moved here from NJ. She and her family had 2 requirements: a house away from the city and a white neighborhood because they wanted good schools. Again, she didn't realize that good = white. The ratings are based on amounts of minorities and by having her children in said schools, she was lowering their ratings. So she and her husband bought. The first xmas she put out decorations. It was a Santa and reindeer and some big candles. It wasn't over the top and more importantly it was similar to what her neighbors put up. Night 1: they were turned upside down. They put them back upright. They assumed weather was the culprit. Really? Night 3: they were grafitti'ed... now if only Black people do that, and they were the only Black people in the neighborhood, what went wrong here? When they called the police, they were asked if possibly their own children did it. After much cleaning they put their decorations back up. Night 5: they drove to their church (dad is a UM preacher so....) for a xmas concert and when they got back, the decoration were on fire. Draw the most logical conclusions. And again the police did nothing. They eventually moved.

Why would you force yourself into a neighborhood where are aren't wanted and spend your gold to prove your worthiness? If it's lifestyle, there are upscale Black neighborhoods. And bougie Black people are a trip. Your tax dollars pay the police to treat you like a criminal. And the schools to categorize your child. My Realtor lives in a Black neighborhood but sends her baby to a white school. They called and told her that they were suspending her son for threatening another child. Not for actually beating the boy's ass, but threatening to. I was with her when she got the call. She was 38 hot. She started talking to herself and randomly pacing. When her husband went to the school to pick the boy up.... He found they accused his son erroneously. The son has a “white” sounding name. A white child threatened the boy, but they just assumed it was the Black boy with the same name. No apologies have been issued as of this writing.

When I bought a home with my 1st husband, it was a beautiful home in a beautiful neighborhood. A beautiful Black neighborhood. Minimal crime. Folks kept their homes up. It was a real community. So the premise that All Black folks live in the projects is way off. I grew up in a home that my parents owned in a Black neighborhood. Most of my neighbors and friends, all lived similarly. My upbringing was more Huxtables than it was Evans. The home my current 7 and I are considering is again a nice home in a nice Black neighborhood. I work all day for and with white folks. I'm not playing nice at home.

Another issue that people don't consider is if you are a Black person living in a white neighborhood, you are not going to have useful amenities. Black and white people are different and have different needs. Hair product, Hair salons, barber shops, churches, funeral homes, make up, certain foods.... All these things you will have to travel to Black neighborhood to get.

I guess the gist of this long assed rant that I'm calling a build... is just because it's white... doesn't make it superior. You drank the fucking Kool-aid if you think it does.... you either need to reconsider your thinking or get the fuck on.


Peace

Successful Relationships

Peace!

I don't know why people aren't more successful at relationships. Wait... I do know. And I'm going to put it all out there in this Build.

One reason why folks are unhappy in relationships is because they want stuff that doesn't go together. If you want a partner who has money, unless you find one who inherited wealth or hit the number, then s/he is not going to be super available. S/He has to work. Ladies and Gentlemen... You are not allowed to complain that your spouse/lover/partner works too much. You just can't. It's not allowed. On the flip side, If you want a partner that is super attractive, then their part time job is themselves. They aren't cooking for you and they aren't cleaning for you, they are working out and spending money on clothes, nails, facials, etc. It's how it works. You can't have your woman all freaky with a low man count. It doesn't work like that. You can't have a skinny chick that can cook her ass off. Doesn't go together. And you can't have a man with no hang ups that has baby mamas. You have to be super honest about what you want and what you're willing to put up with.

Second reason people ain't happy with the partner they have is they don't realize that when you are in a committed relationship... your partner is the numero uno. Not your homie, not your mama, not your best friend. Allowing other people in your relationship is synonymous with cheating. You ARE cheating, though. You are sharing affections with other people. You need to be "all in" "ride or die" with your partner and no one else. You need to put your partner above your children... if they are the parent of said children. If they are not the parent then the water becomes murky. You now have the only allowed 2 primary relationship situation. But if you and your partner are parents of the same children... then your relationship comes 1st. Them kids gonna be alright as long as y'all alright. One day those kids are going to leave, and if you really don't know who this other person is in your house, problems will arise.

Also, never argue with your partner in public. And never argue dirty. Anything you say to your partner will NEVER be forgotten. I have memories of how my 1st husband fought dirty he's been dead for 13 years. I would never argue with him in public. Not never. I would never discuss him with my friends or family. I would never borrow money from other people because I saw it as a disgrace that he couldn't take care of us. Our business was just that. Ours! And when we argued... oh, I could have said some hurtful shit. But I held back. And now I'm super satisfied that I always represented him well.

So folks, I've just fixed all your relationship problems. Your life should be all gravy from here on out.



Peace